Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for...

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 023

You deserved it 11 617

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Same thing different taste

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 312

Like a virgin

By chchboy - 22/05/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 151

You deserved it 7 122

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 105

You deserved it 7 022

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 464

You deserved it 9 862

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 566

You deserved it 32 065

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 3 671

Quick thinking

By rolyat - 01/05/2012 16:41 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 723

You deserved it 4 005

By Geez - 19/10/2009 17:02 - Netherlands

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 3 765

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 161

You deserved it 5 568

irishfever 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

not sure how to interpret this one.... haha that sucks it sounds like she's not ready... don't pressure her

kwbuzz23wk 0

Saturday 23 May 2009 1:48

sounds like a compliment

Comments

SexyMexi21 23

Wednesday 13 August 2014 3:10

No **** either? guess not. pretty funny though!

ofmiceandmya 16

Saturday 16 August 2014 22:12

Take it as a compliment. Also, you went two years without having sex with your girlfriend? O_O

Tripitaka 21

Wednesday 21 January 2015 23:23

That's...impresive

draftskink 23

Monday 23 March 2015 6:26

It's because yours is so small... No one... Ok

Kristen320 21

Monday 27 April 2015 20:32

You guys have dated for two years, have decided to have sex, and have never seen each other's genitals?

prettygurl89 16

Monday 11 May 2015 0:43

That could be good!...

TitsMcGay 10

Wednesday 3 June 2015 16:49

dick game too strong

LittleFuzz 9

Monday 8 June 2015 4:54

SHE WASN'T READY!!!!

Blueboty 3

Monday 25 April 2016 4:05

Was it too big or too small.

MistyKittyx 23

Saturday 30 July 2016 9:16

هلا باللبناني!! Of course it's a shame, but that's a funny first time story to tell!

Keywords

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 852

You deserved it 1 042

The Top

Today, a girl was making fun of me for being a virgin and, "never seeing a nipple". I have three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 3 015

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 138

You deserved it 8 803

Today, I took my hoodie off in public and my shirt accidentally lifted up with it. I've had bad skin problems since I was 12 or 13, and my chest looks horrific as a result. Everyone in my vicinity reacted with horror and called me all sorts of awful names. Nice to know that my appearance makes me that repulsive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 110

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 463

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 331

Today, my family and I were parking downtown when my sister yelled to watch out for a man approaching our car. I see him pull something from his pocket. I yell "It's a knife, don't roll down the window!" It was a pen, he was the parking attendant and the window was already rolled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 005

You deserved it 47 738