Health: Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet... - FML

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 745

You deserved it 6 397

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 6 134

By paywithpoop - 22/06/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 012

You deserved it 3 890

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 943

You deserved it 3 127

Typical Ohia public bathroom

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 61

You OK in there?

By stinkypants - 10/11/2011 03:15 - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 788

You deserved it 11 865

Get rid of the evidence!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 17:11

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 154

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 177

You deserved it 2 776

Phantom pooper

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 17:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 426

Lucid

By Man Shamed - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 705

You deserved it 1 258

By fire0fisis - 03/02/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, the police called because someone had turned in my wallet that was stolen. I happily drove home only to find that my house had been robbed and ransacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 119

You deserved it 2 315

Next

Top comments

forthepainx3 0

Tuesday 26 April 2011 8:38

that's a shitty situation

Grimmerie 31

Tuesday 26 April 2011 8:44

your attempts to foil them would have tanked. it sucks to have to put up with that kind of crap. at least they didn't tie you to a stool. although your attempts at heroism were flushed, try not to feel too shitty about it. after all, we can't all be heroes - someone has to be number two.

Comments

Dr_Facilier 2

Thursday 28 April 2011 8:21

I would have gone after them, shit be damned

JJ123456 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 8:49

i woulda chased them anyways make em run from the smell>:)

TheyCallMeShery 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 8:57

your fault for eating Indian food

jadee000 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 16:50

This sounds fake...

aliserboi97 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 21:37

haha your life sucks

24savy 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 22:27

LMFAO

MmToasty 0

Thursday 28 April 2011 23:47

I laughed so hard, I almost cried.

kurdi 0

Friday 29 April 2011 3:20

hahahahahahahahhhahaha. omgg that made mY day

wwweee6362 0

Friday 29 April 2011 7:49

wow lol

itsallmadeup101 0

Friday 29 April 2011 8:18

dang dude that sucks..

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The Top

Today, I set up my phone to take a time-lapse video of the sunset. When I checked the footage later, all I saw was me running back and forth because I’d forgotten my keys and wallet multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 417

Today, a field engineer decided to rework everyone's schedule, just because he couldn't be bothered to do a full day's work. Now two of us who would've been busy all day are sat on our phones, and he's off out on "errands". How a day goes depends on how bothered he can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 81

The Top

Today, my boss told me that as funny as it is, it is inappropriate to mock customers with my "fake" Scottish accent. I don't, he refuses to believe that I speak with a Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 343

You deserved it 2 430

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless, and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 619

You deserved it 16 477

Today, I was having the worst period cramps you could ever imagine. I cancelled the date I had with my "boyfriend." He replied, “Isn’t there some medicine you can take to make it go away?” When I told him I did and still had them, he said, “Fine, lose my number, I’ll find a girl who doesn’t have that shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 142

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 010

You deserved it 3 713

Today, after years of battling mental health and unemployment, I was rejected from a job packing tomatoes. Apparently I'm unsuitable for even the most basic work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 100

Today, at work, someone heard me throw up. I then got called aside and told being hungover at work is unacceptable. I don't drink. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 442

You deserved it 3 840