Kids: Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed...

By Anonymous - 03/04/2017 00:00

Today, my husband told my 5-year-old daughter that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would get pregnant. Tonight, she dropped one in my mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 309

You deserved it 629

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Same thing different taste

By shoelace18 - 06/09/2009 04:19 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 886

You deserved it 5 972

By assassinmaster - 30/06/2018 15:00

Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 739

You deserved it 257

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 3 070

Highly inappropriate

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 3 751

By melonhead - 14/01/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 887

You deserved it 3 726

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 511

You deserved it 5 832

By mamagelmane - 08/08/2014 04:27 - France - Vervezelle

Today, my husband jolted in bed and while still half-asleep said, "I had a nightmare; I dreamt we had a kid." I'm 8 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 907

You deserved it 4 079

Gummy

By madeleine - 08/04/2021 05:00

Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 292

By lawdy - 21/05/2017 20:00

Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 480

You deserved it 639

By wow - 15/04/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 963

You deserved it 6 738

PennyLane27 32

Monday 3 April 2017 2:18

Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"

MegasaurusRex89 28

Monday 3 April 2017 0:03

Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha

Comments

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 2 April 2017 5:11

Just wait until the husband asks their daughter how she thinks her mom got pregnant with her! lol

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 3 April 2017 7:37

Plz explain your down-votes.... :-)

MegasaurusRex89 28

Monday 3 April 2017 0:03

Well, sounds like someone wants a sibling! haha

RichardPencil 30

Monday 3 April 2017 0:11

Tell her she needs to drop a little, blue pill in dad's mouth to make it happens.

zedjaleaf1 11

Monday 3 April 2017 0:45

Just be happy it wasn't your husbands seed.

MidnaLink 33

Monday 3 April 2017 2:54

No, just no.

jbuckets_404 38

Monday 3 April 2017 7:35

zedjaleaf1, that's what I was alluding to as well in my earlier comment - lol

TaoShaman 24

Monday 3 April 2017 1:15

That's disturbing.

PennyLane27 32

Monday 3 April 2017 2:18

Tomorrow at school: "I made mommy pregnant!"

张卓铭 2

Monday 3 April 2017 4:38

she is so cute!

Bearsmomma 30

Monday 3 April 2017 6:20

My grandpa told me I'd have a watermelon baby too. I believed him.

pjsr 32

Monday 3 April 2017 15:55

(10 years from now) BF: I don't have a condom. What if you get pregnant? Daughter: Don't worry; my parents think babies come from watermelon seeds. They'll never suspect we did it.