By LustyDragon - 05/06/2017 14:00

Today, my husband won't shave his beard, despite the fact it grows in wiry and looks like pubic hair. He is now accusing me of "not loving him for who he is." FML
I agree, your life sucks 2 955
You deserved it 1 251
Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…
Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Next

Top comments

neuronerd 28

My boyfriend and I have a policy, "your body, your decisions." Unless it's a health concern, you don't really have a say. It's just a beard. If it really looks that terrible, he'll figure it out on his own.

40 3
GhostFox 33

Rational Adult response: Tell him that the texture is really off putting and makes kissing him extremely uncomfortable and even painful from the beard-burn. (Yes, that is an actual thing.) Dickish and Passive Aggressive option: Assuming he takes showers, fill shower head with dye and glitter in his two least favorite clashing colors. Major Asshole option: While he sleeps, put something sticky and stretchy in his beard, like gum. Brightly colored would be even more effective. While two and three would probably have a higher success rate, they are obviously asshole things to do and could put strain on the marriage- well, more than it sounds like it is already- from you trying to control his body. Unless he nags you about your hair/beard/breasts/something-else- beard-equivalent-for-women, don't pester him about his. He might get bored of it or it might look and feel better once it grows out more. He can also condition it like one would condition the hair on top of the head to soften it and at least make the texture of individual hairs better.

25 6

Comments

GhostFox 33

Rational Adult response: Tell him that the texture is really off putting and makes kissing him extremely uncomfortable and even painful from the beard-burn. (Yes, that is an actual thing.) Dickish and Passive Aggressive option: Assuming he takes showers, fill shower head with dye and glitter in his two least favorite clashing colors. Major Asshole option: While he sleeps, put something sticky and stretchy in his beard, like gum. Brightly colored would be even more effective. While two and three would probably have a higher success rate, they are obviously asshole things to do and could put strain on the marriage- well, more than it sounds like it is already- from you trying to control his body. Unless he nags you about your hair/beard/breasts/something-else- beard-equivalent-for-women, don't pester him about his. He might get bored of it or it might look and feel better once it grows out more. He can also condition it like one would condition the hair on top of the head to soften it and at least make the texture of individual hairs better.

25 6
Jatok 17

That picture is way better than this FML.

4 1
neuronerd 28

My boyfriend and I have a policy, "your body, your decisions." Unless it's a health concern, you don't really have a say. It's just a beard. If it really looks that terrible, he'll figure it out on his own.

40 3
SneezyBear 27

Sure, but sexual attraction in a marriage is important. If someone changes their appearance to the point where the other partner no longer finds them attractive, that IS something that should be discussed.

5 4
RinoaHeartilly 36

Should be discussed, but that doesn't mean she can make him shave it off, which it sounds like she is trying to do. You can discuss, you can ask but if they don't want to you then you have to let them be them.

10 2
Glowworm56 26

My developmentally disabled brother is the same way about his beard. Every time it gets a bit crazy, we tell him we need to take him to the hair cutter to get it under control. He claims it's his "style." No, that's not a style, that's a crazy hobo beard.

10 5
RinoaHeartilly 36

OP didn't say their husband is developmentally disabled, so this is completely different.

2 2
Glowworm56 26

Yeah, I know the husband isn't developmentally disabled. However, my brother is known to be quite stubborn about keeping his beard. We used to shave it at home for him--it got pretty loud and angry in there at times.

1 1
sosterbeck 7

Well you have bits you probably shave, so quit shaving, turn about is fair play

8 5
raven_of_azarath 34

Technically, they aren't. Pubes are hairs that grow in the pubic region, aka the crotch. That bone is called a pubic bone. Any hair anywhere else could not be called pubes.

7 0
Mungolikecandy 19

However, as it is hair which does not develop until after puberty it is still pubic hair.

1 7
pjsr 32

No. Technically, it's pubic hair. Pubes is a made up word, aka slang.

1 2
jennisyn 11

Get him some beard balm and encourage him to moisturize it. Be more affectionate and get beard burn on your face and spin it that you can't make out under these circumstances

10 2
HalfLit 17

I mean, you kind of aren't loving him for who he is. Men have beards. Deal with it.

10 4
SighOfTheWorld 7

Women have body hair and I'd like to see a man who loves them for who they are and deals with it. :) Grooming should go both ways!

11 4
RinoaHeartilly 36

If a guy doesn't love a girl he's been with because she decides not to shave anymore then he's as much of a dick as OP is being.

9 1
Brittany Miron 3

I would tell him to shave the pubes off his face before he catches face crabs. My hubby has the same problem except he can't grow a full beard. So in order to keep him from looking like patches the pube clown I make fun of him

3 11
RinoaHeartilly 36

That's awful! Why would you mock and tear down the confidence of the person you say you love?!

5 2
Brittany Miron 3

I would rather save him from being publicly humiliated by spending a couple mins destroying the notion that he thinks he can grow a full beard. Not to mention he does the same thing to me, but in different aspects. He has confidence blowing out his ears. cooler than a cucumber.

2 8
ACCOUNTKILLER 18

The only person he would be catching crabs from is you??? Also you are not saving him the pain of humiliation by inflicting it upon him- do you honestly think several strangers could hurt him more than the person who is supposed to love, support and respect him?

3 0
Mungolikecandy 19

A beard is pubic hair.

0 6