By longlongwinter - 05/12/2013 16:50 - United Kingdom - Southampton
longlongwinter tells us more.
Thank you for all your comments, it made me laugh for the first time in a week. Answering your questions, she's 67, in good health, and apart from a bad knee and weak bladder, she'll be around for many years, living independently. Her family is full of centenarians (FML again). She's neither senile nor mentally ill, but she came from an European aristocratic family (technically, she's a baroness), grew up with 12 personal servants, married into a very wealthy - but plebeian - family, and together they squandered every little penny they had. She divorced and had to raise three kids on her own, in relative poverty (one servant is not enough), had to work for a living (how shameful!), and poured all her frustration and bitterness on us. Of her three kids, the one that lives closest to her is 5000 miles away. I confronted her many times on what she thinks about that, if she says that it's wonderful, because she can travel more. She insists on spend three months with each of us, and three months on her city. We have no choice but to oblige, otherwise she manages to make our lives even more hellish. She got to the point of denouncing my brother-in-law for an nonexistent domestic violence episode to the police, from 8000 miles away. She does not have pure evil intent in her actions. The thing is, the only thing she's interested in is herself and her reputation. She doesn't care for our stuff, our lives or our emotions, she doesn't pay attention to anyone (she called her sister on Skype while I was talking to her), and the only thing that grabs her attention is gossip, so she can start blabbing how much better than the others she is. She's just a vain and vacuous self-absorbed ex-rich girl that happened to get old. Think Paris Hilton. For those saying that I should kiss her feet because she carried me for nine months and suffered for my birth, here it goes: she demanded a general anesthetic for all births, had a boob job and a tummy tuck on the same surgery I was born, and only saw me when I was a month old. She only turned into a hands-on mother when she got flat broke and had to fire the nannies. But no worries. I made sure for her that this is my home, so my rules apply. She's trying to behave. Oh, my husband is a saint with infinite patience, and excuses her for everything. And my mother-in-law is the best person I've ever met, and compensated for all the hurt my mother inflicted. :)
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Why haven't you thrown her out yet??!! YDI!
Damn Gina!
She didn't take care of you until she HAD to. She didn't bond with you and vice versa. I know you don't want to ignite her wrath but if it stays bad I'd calmly tell her it's been great but you'll have to cut the visit short.
it is your mom she didn't kick you out when you were a child.
I have a grandmother that always used to complaint about my hair, my clothes, my piercings and tattoos, me being a vegetarian and of course my choice of education.. she came from poverty but married very rich and ever since she's always afraid what people will think. D: on top of that she's super cheap even tough she has soo much money. but she's actually calmed down a bit (now she only complains that I'm too skinny even though she's only skin and bones herself) and I guess it has to do with age.. maybe your mother will too, and I hope you don't have to wait til she turnes 90 for it to happen. ;) I guess she loves you in her own way since she still wants to come and visit.
Time to cut the cord.toxic people have no place in your life. Family's can be chosen.. Like ur husband and his family. Your not stuck with her because she gave birth to you. Tell her bye and move on with your own new family.. It might help ur sanity!
There's no way I could deal with that's id kick her out
If my mother or mother-in-law was like that, I'd send her packing, change our phone numbers & put a restraining order against her...don't get me wrong, I love them both but there's NO excuse for acting like a poor excuse for a human being just because you were "once" an over-privileged rich person...she'll just have to learn that behavior has it's rewards/punishment depending on how she acts from here on out. Also, that's so sad that she had nothing to do with you until she had to fire the nannies & so tragic that anyone can be so self absorbed...btw, you/(siblings?) DO have a choice, time to make the right one & tell her it's time to leave if she's not going to respect YOUR house & your family.
Tell her to go to a hotel .
Keywords
It's your house and your family. Set some ground rules for her, or tell her to leave.
Well at least you sound like you turned out better than she did. Glad you're laying out the ground rules and she's trying to comply. I don't think I could stand being raised like that if I were growing up. I know my family irritates me but they get me through some rough times. Good luck to you for the next three months.