Work: Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally...

By FartMyLife - 11/08/2016 11:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, the VP of my company stopped by my desk to personally deliver praise on my recent performance. I watched in helpless horror as the noxious fart I had just released slapped him in the face. He was too polite to leave but gagged through his entire speech. If farts can kill careers... FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 953

You deserved it 2 165

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Same thing different taste

Bad timing

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 6 080

By Anonymous - 23/05/2012 20:38 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 882

You deserved it 5 185

He who smelled it…

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 15:08 - United States - Venus

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 058

You deserved it 2 708

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 981

You deserved it 25 512

The sweet smell of success

By NoPromotionForYou - 07/05/2020 14:00

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 640

Good job

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 443

You deserved it 4 549

By Mic - 07/01/2010 17:44 - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 535

You deserved it 4 649

By Anonymous - 20/09/2015 15:23

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 825

You deserved it 12 111

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 4 993

Fartmageddon.

By dusty bean - 18/11/2017 05:00

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 717

You deserved it 606

Colon_Man 17

Thursday 11 August 2016 17:38

My boss walked into a cloud years ago and before he could blame me I let him know that, "Tim just crop dusted." Tim didn't do it.

abbyade 21

Thursday 11 August 2016 17:37

These things happen lol. I am sure this won't affect your career..:). Farts of good performance? Good performance will always win (I hope) You have made a statement. He will always remember you by your good work and extremely noxious fart :).

Comments

abbyade 21

Thursday 11 August 2016 17:37

Lalala579121 27

Thursday 11 August 2016 19:07

OP truly has farts of good performance.

Colon_Man 17

Thursday 11 August 2016 17:38

My boss walked into a cloud years ago and before he could blame me I let him know that, "Tim just crop dusted." Tim didn't do it.

Lalala579121 27

Thursday 11 August 2016 19:09

And when if he asked who Tim is I hope you said "There are some who call me... Tim?"

manofmerr 27

Thursday 11 August 2016 17:56

Op's name made this fml better. And i do believe that worse things could happen. Worse comes to worse, find somebody named Tim to blame.

Yarecho 14

Thursday 11 August 2016 18:02

Pro tip: don't fart when someone's giving you praise

evilplatypus 38

Thursday 11 August 2016 18:33

In case you didn't figure it out from the thumbs, OP farted right BEFORE the VP came over to praise them.

TonierShadow 19

Thursday 11 August 2016 18:18

Quickly, go buy a dog and bring it to the office secretly. Now hope he thinks it was the dog that magically showed up.

beararm 11

Thursday 11 August 2016 18:44

how u explain to ur next employer y u got fired, lol op that sucks

wisconsinfml 3

Thursday 11 August 2016 19:56

read up on eating healthy. noxious gas is a sign of poor health. cut out wheat and increase vegtables and you will notice a difference.

isera 7

Friday 12 August 2016 3:48

Actually, a plant-based diet creates more gas than an easily digestible (but unhealthy) meat and white flour diet. Kale, beans, peas, whole grains all can cause really bad noxious gas, especially if you are not used to eating them. Once your belly (gut flora) adapts, you're usually ok eating them. Also, protein powders, which aren't necessarily unhealthy, just unnecessary in most people, can make you super super gassy.

H4H 15

Thursday 11 August 2016 19:57

Creative username OP

Sparx1_1 16

Thursday 11 August 2016 20:28

Definitely YDI. There is a reason why most people avoid certain foods during the week. A quick trip to the bathroom to "wash your hands" works too. No reason for you to turn your desk into a toxic fumes area.

mermaidgirle 12

Friday 12 August 2016 14:53

No, OP did not deserve this. Gas can and will happen even with the best of diets; and it can bubble up so suddenly that one cannot make it to the bathroom to "wash their hands." Farts aren't something one can plan for!