Sex and Intimacy: Weird assumption

FML for mobile
Free

Weird assumption

By writer4life - 17/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I met online. While cuddling on the couch, he asked me for a blow job. I refused. He said, "But I thought big girls liked doing that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 076

You deserved it 6 321

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Double standard

By NoSexForMe - 13/07/2014 07:46 - United States - Rancho Cucamonga

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 839

You deserved it 8 664

Pushy

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 22:02

Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique, and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 1 933

By omgwhyme - 08/01/2012 14:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 456

You deserved it 49 365

Enticing

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 21:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 310

You deserved it 9 639

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 001

You deserved it 14 594

Ice-breaker

By bye loser - 20/10/2014 09:28 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 753

You deserved it 3 971

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 738

You deserved it 18 655

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 458

You deserved it 191

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 1 533

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 13:31 - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 6 895

emjoy 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:21

That is horrifying. I hope you ended it there

causelifehappens 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:38

haha, what did you expect you met him online.

Comments

annie91 0

Monday 18 January 2010 2:15

ew I hope u slappedhim!!!

mistershlong 0

Monday 18 January 2010 2:33

don't be a bitch just suck his dick no biggie

SumKid_fml 0

Monday 18 January 2010 2:37

Too many desperate guys online. What did u expect?

erizzz 0

Monday 18 January 2010 2:55

big girls don't like it- but they do it cuz they can't get a date otherwise lol

adonals 0

Monday 18 January 2010 3:04

lmao nice.

gilly011 0

Monday 18 January 2010 3:06

ok wait. so you met this guy online && he took you home upon the first time meeting you? wow. so you sound easy, what was the problem?

3rw0n 0

Monday 18 January 2010 3:48

lol

saladgirl123 0

Monday 18 January 2010 3:55

fat girls try harder.

Ritz190 0

Monday 18 January 2010 4:29

XD damn dude. I like fat chicks but you kinda lead him on by cuddling with him....potential serial killer. O.o

Newbie21 1

Monday 18 January 2010 5:08

FYL for resorting to online dating

danzer827 0

Monday 18 January 2010 8:51

did he really thinkbthat comment was goin to change ur mind?

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Travel YouTube Videos Cleaning Argument Love Insurance Money Animals Dogs Poopoo peepee Health Fire Confused Healthy Lifestyle Awkward Embarrassing Mental health Farts Flooding Plumbing Cats Music Dance Cute Intimacy Kids Capitalism Vacation

The Top

Today, my boss sprang a company workshop on us that I was not informed of, which kept me at work until 10 PM. He expected us all back at 8 AM the next day to continue. On a good day it takes me 3 hours to commute. I got written up for being 10 minutes late to the workshop, after getting up at 4 AM to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 124

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 582

You deserved it 4 658

The Top

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 068

You deserved it 6 816

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 299

You deserved it 3 037

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 367

You deserved it 22 761

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 437

You deserved it 2 732

Today, my coworker got a raise by making our boss give me a pay cut for doing his job while he was slacking off. As we were heading home for the day, he found $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 107

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 302