Intimacy and Sex: You have been warned - FML

FML for mobile
Free

Open in app

You have been warned

By AnalProbe - 12/03/2017 18:00

Spicy

Today, my mother warned me that if I ever have anal sex I will die. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 145

You deserved it 502

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

STOP TALKING

By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 581

You deserved it 4 343

Inference

By Canuckboy - 24/06/2021 07:59 - Canada

Spicy

Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 413

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 620

By Confused - 15/09/2009 09:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 882

You deserved it 2 446

By CollegeKid - 22/01/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 603

You deserved it 747

By jared77 - 02/08/2011 16:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom decided to give me a bloodcurdlingly graphic sex talk. On a plane. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 778

You deserved it 2 881

By DaoOfPow - 23/05/2015 07:51 - United States - Danbury

Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 318

You deserved it 3 238

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 215

You deserved it 2 822

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 3 729

But my grandbabiiiiiiies!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 02:00

Spicy

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 264

You deserved it 197

Next

Top comments

notafoot 8

Sunday 12 March 2017 19:23

100% of people who have anal sex will die, it's true.

Tripartita 44

Sunday 12 March 2017 18:34

It's your biggest design flaw which your mother deeply regrets, but when she was assembling you, she was a huge Star Wars fan and wanted to pay tribute to the Death Star. Now, should anybody penetrate your exhaust port, a huge, empire-destroying explosion will ignite.

Comments

allherenotthere 4

Thursday 16 March 2017 7:58

And have you?

mrlucky22 18

Friday 17 March 2017 17:00

What a shitty thing to say.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Relatable Mental health Drugs Embarrassing Coworkers Awkward Work Food Miscellaneous DIY Plumbing Cats Animals Management Diets Love Weird Cute Art Family Video games AITA Geek Gamers Parents Sports Kids Sex Accident

The Top

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 349

You deserved it 4 384

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 288

You deserved it 13 076

The Top

Today, I'm a 46 year-old woman who hates online dating, and who is now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 199

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 776

You deserved it 23 377

At least he's honest!

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 71

Today, it's been three months since I had a GI virus. In this time, all the tests I've done so far came out negative at the doctor's. I've changed my diet, haven't drank alcohol, nor was I a habitual drinker. The bouts of nausea and vomiting keep coming back on random days. I cannot get the right amount of nutrients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 59

Today, I decide to go to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her stuff back. I broke up with her earlier this week after a 2 year relationship, and I'd hoped she would have realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I ring the doorbell and her new boyfriend opens the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 179

You deserved it 11 226

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 516

You deserved it 2 440