Intimacy: Zinger! - FML

Zinger!

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 628

You deserved it 24 944

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Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 214

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 124

You deserved it 13 202

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 175

You deserved it 3 772

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 2 276

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 741

You deserved it 3 521

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 4 631

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 249

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 270

You deserved it 3 433

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

By Ari - 08/09/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 867

You deserved it 377

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 617

You deserved it 5 565

Next

Top comments

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

cristy91 33

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.

Comments

kiss_of_death 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:16

awwwww, r u ok, ur grandma is a b*tch

kiss_of_death 0

Monday 11 January 2010 2:18

aunt

demolitionloverf 0

Tuesday 6 April 2010 18:08

You also need to learn proper grammar/spelling.

nopenope_fml 4

Wednesday 5 May 2010 3:43

totally agree with #1 you got powned

matt643 0

Sunday 16 May 2010 17:47

PAWNAGE:P

ANRK 0

Saturday 10 July 2010 10:00

Lol ok YDI for being a ****. And even your aunt knows it.

thewhiteninja 0

Saturday 17 July 2010 22:15

totally

debzzX 0

Saturday 24 July 2010 8:36

BURNNNN XD

cinnomonroll 0

Wednesday 18 August 2010 17:04

haha! your aunt is funny. I wonder what your mom had to say to that!!

DESMADROSA 0

Thursday 19 August 2010 22:29

BURN! haha

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Keywords

Miscellaneous TV shows Coworkers Work Awkward Politics Embarrassing Ironic Relatable Transportation Social Media Instagram Shopping Parenting Jealousy Love AITA Am I overreacting? Kids Friends Dogs Pranks Housework Cars Porn Technology Health Sports Accident Mental health

The Top

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 244

Today, my husband decided to flash me while I was on a video call, so my clients announced they would only work with professionals, and ended the call. I was giving a virtual showing of a £1.2 million house they were thinking of buying. At 6% commission, my husband's junk just cost us £72,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 403

You deserved it 275

The Top

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 401

You deserved it 3 290

Today, my friend and I were in her mom's car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rear-view mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 063

You deserved it 50 766

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 612

You deserved it 27 221

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 143

You deserved it 3 892

Today, like an idiot, I accidentally included stuff I learned from snooping in my daughter's secret diary during a conversation with her. She's not happy at me right now, so I may have to polish off my old grovelling skills from when I was still married to her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 2 439

Today, my boyfriend is completely obsessed with zombie and horror movies. I don’t care what he watches, the only problem is the big wuss has horrible thrashing nightmares. Last night he thrashed so hard, he elbowed me in the face. I have a big swollen purple knot right on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 183