Intimacy: Zinger!

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Zinger!

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 643

You deserved it 24 950

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Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 215

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 126

You deserved it 13 209

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 181

You deserved it 3 775

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 741

You deserved it 2 285

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 748

You deserved it 3 524

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 663

You deserved it 4 632

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 926

You deserved it 252

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 279

You deserved it 3 434

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

By Ari - 08/09/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 874

You deserved it 378

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 5 567

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

cristy91 33

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.

Comments

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

z620 0

Wednesday 10 March 2010 4:18

that's just sad ur aunts callin u a ho

higuymb 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 5:27

wow

babawaba 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

you should give it a try

oh_dee 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

OOOOHHHHH! That hurts...hahahaha

EatUrGreens 20

Sunday 22 February 2015 12:37

Doesn't necessarily have to, I would have laughed it off tbh lol

BannedDistress78 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:09

ahaahhahahaahahahah go grandma

iloveyou2129 6

Monday 13 August 2012 20:39

*aunt

Bmlacme 3

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:08

aww that suucckkkss!!!

cryssycakesx3 22

Wednesday 28 May 2014 4:31

apparently it spreads ;)

Figureskater_15 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:10

thats harsssh. i feeel bad for youu

CaptainDoorknob 7

Thursday 20 September 2012 3:06

Why the **** do you feel the need to add extra letters?

noobienick 19

Friday 16 May 2014 6:27

Eeexxxtraaa leeeetterrrrsss*

NeverBAckDown_fml 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:11

LOL

rukusrazor 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Well, did they?

CheezerX 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:10

LMFAO! dam that was soo awsome...should of told her atleast ur getting some

CheezerX 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

that sux lol but family always talk crap behind each others back

rydin10 18

Thursday 23 April 2015 2:20

Except this was to her face

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Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 275

You deserved it 8 124

Today, my best friend confronted his girlfriend and I due to rumors of the two of us sleeping together. We had to spend half an hour explaining to him that when we "smash", it's the two of us playing Smash Brothers together at her place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 769

The Top

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 139

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 062

You deserved it 4 844

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 472

You deserved it 7 856

Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 060

You deserved it 5 375

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 557

You deserved it 2 871

Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 677

You deserved it 30 914

Zinger!

Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

Good question

Very funny, Dad

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

Tasty

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