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Help!

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 17

Unlovable

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 23:00

Today, I told my family that I have a girlfriend, and showed them her Facebook. They immediately started taking bets on when I’d mess it up, when she’d dump me, whether she actually existed, if I’d just made a fake Facebook, or whether she was a pro I hired. I hate my siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 33

Hazy day

By Laurence - 18/03/2025 22:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my alarm went off, and in my half-asleep state, I grabbed my phone and snoozed it. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd actually snoozed my work email notification for the same amount of time, and my boss was emailing me every five minutes, asking where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 98

Pissed

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 20:00 - South Africa - Alberton

Today, I went to the movies with some friends. During the movie, I really needed to pee but didn’t want to disturb anyone. So, I waited and waited. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and bolted to the bathroom… only to get locked out of the theater in the process. The staff had to escort me back in during the end credits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 33

Biohazard

By seriouslysinglenomingle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 416

Share, not scare

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, during a family dinner, my uncle asked if anyone had any embarrassing stories. Feeling brave, I told them about my recent breakup. As I was getting to the juicy details, my 11-year-old cousin piped up, saying, “You’re talking about the time you ate pizza naked, right?” My face was instantly beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 93

Classic kitten move

By Filly - 18/03/2025 13:00 - Romania

Today, I thought my new kitten had gotten out, so I roamed the streets in the pouring rain, screaming his name for hours. Eventually, my fiance called and said he was home from work. I cried that the cat was gone, and he said, "What do you mean? He's on my lap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 97

HELP!

By David - 18/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 48

Diss track

By Popscene - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 612

You deserved it 2 985

Sprayed

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a sneezing fit in the middle of the night, like 10 really great big sneezes, but then it was over and I went back to sleep. I got up this morning and turned the light on, and turns out I’d been sneezing blood over everything, the bed, walls, carpet, furniture, clothes, everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 51

Dog park blues

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I took a peaceful walk through the park, and then sat on the grass. As I was enjoying the quiet, a dog appeared out of nowhere and decided my shoes were a chew toy. I spent 10 minutes trying to wrestle my shoes away from this dog, while its owner casually walked in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 52

Rock on!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I took a selfie at a concert with the stage in the background. As I tilted my head to get the perfect angle, I knocked over the guy in front of me’s beer. He turned around just in time to see me dripping in weak piss beer, and my selfie became a snapshot of my humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 434

Never attempt this

By Melanie - 17/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was texting while riding my bike (yes, I know, terrible idea). I crashed right into a lamppost, and, even worse, a woman walking by laughed and asked, "Did you just text yourself into that pole?" I just laid there hoping for the ground to swallow me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 519

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 3 668

Shards

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 361

Briefs

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 07:00 - United States

Today, I went to donate some of my old underwear that I never wear and were in too nice a condition to throw in a dumpster. I was given the runaround by two different people who had no clue where the clothes donation box was, until I gave up and finally found it in the opposite direction. That took me an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 259

Corner cutting

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got some lumber delivered to site and that shit was so bent and warped I could've cut it into foot long pieces and sold them as boomerangs. My boss is breathing down my neck about finishing on time to a high standard of work, yet he keeps buying subpar materials on the cheap. Tosser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 44

RIP Tiddles

By gvmfvr - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 494

You deserved it 4 002

Losing my mind

By Oh Gnooooo - 16/03/2025 21:00 - United States

Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 469

Good intention, mid outcome

By Britany - 16/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to rescue a stray dog and used my work ID to lasso him. I scooped him up and was carrying him to my car when something spooked him and he ran off with my work ID. I eventually found him and traded him a granola bar for my work ID, but not before I reported it missing to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 376

Craving it

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 308

You deserved it 96

The noise of God

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 19:00

Today, my neighbour shouted at me for starting my car early in the morning because "a decent, God-fearing man" has no business going places in the dark "when Satan is about his wicked business." I’m a priest and I have a funeral to prepare for this morning. That's about as un-Satan like as you can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 63

Cool your boots

By AmberKCole - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 599

You deserved it 101 271

Keep on trucking

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - Romania

Today, six days before I turn 18, my mom totaled her nice BMW. She had promised it to me as a birthday present. My step-dad is giving me his old rusty truck instead, so now I can look like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 545

Thanks, that helps…

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my supervisor that it makes me feel uncomfortable when my coworker teases me by saying a special needs client is in love with me at the residential facility I work at. Her response was, “Well, he is obsessed with you. He writes your name down hundreds of times and watches you out his window." FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 78

That's the spirit

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 01:00 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, it's been 8 months since I was downsized and have been having a hard time finding work, despite a good work history and education. Today, I found out that my car needs a new transmission ($4k - $6k). Sometimes, things stink and you just have to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 57

A day to remember

By TitMunch - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 901

You deserved it 4 468

Sometimes, they just do

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 469

I did what now?

By Lost what I never knew I had - 15/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, my husband rushed me to the hospital, and we were told that I'd had a miscarriage. Neither of us knew I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 72

Brenda and me

By Not Brenda - 15/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was venting to a friend over Whatsapp about my annoying coworker when I realised I'd sent it to said coworker (always check which chat you are in while typing). I'd said, "I’m convinced Brenda is either possessed or just doesn't know how to be a normal human." I deleted it, but it was too late, as she replied with a smiley emoji and, “Can I help with anything, asshole?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 607

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The Top

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 214

You deserved it 18 363

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation, and she'd asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldn't get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 035

You deserved it 3 237

The Top

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 20 428

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 029

You deserved it 12 847

Today, I realized my daughter has been in longer relationships than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 22 957

Today, I received a bill from PayPal stating I owe $350 for an account that's linked to an email that I haven't used since 2015. I can't get into the account because someone hacked it and changed the password and security questions. Customer support is no help because I have no info about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 854

You deserved it 244

Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost three months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 739

You deserved it 16 067

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 792

You deserved it 3 567