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Nice try

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 08:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, to get back at my ex, I told him he couldn't see our kids until he pays back the money he owes me. Little did I know, he'd secretly recorded our conversation and now I might lost custody of my kids for "parental alienation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 076

Call CPS?

By ToxicNeighbors - 31/05/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, my neighbour is a doctor and has a 2 year-old son. He has a stomach infection and has been crying non stop day and night for a week now. The woman is not taking him to the hospital or giving him medicines, because it's "just diarrhea" and will "go away." The crying is driving me mad. I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 59

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 15:00 - China - Guangzhou

Today, on my way home from school, I accidentally stepped on a dead rat. That gross squishy feeling and the sound of its bones cracking… I'm never going to forget that for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 79

Congrats!

By Congrats? - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 154

You deserved it 1 933

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our manager went on a screaming tantrum because he says none of us wants to work and we make him look bad to the bosses. Yeah, the reason we’re not working is because he forgot to order our steel this week. Can’t do custom welding without the materials, boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 54

Perfectionist

By Carlweezer5296 - 30/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I was working on a middle school project that needed to be at a 900 percent or above, this being my math level. I take a 8th grade algebra class so I needed mine to well be a 900, and after months of working I'd got it there. I got one answer wrong and it sent me to 860, where I’ve been for the last 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 123

Language, Timothy

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 16:00 - United States - New York

Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 66

Bummer

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, I was on my way to see someone very special to me, but got pulled over and arrested for some old ticket and thrown in jail. I called family, who live 45 minutes away, but it took them 7 hours to get there. Now I lost the someone special and family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 509

Dodged my bullet

By Lo. - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 200

You deserved it 4 784

Bon appétit

By Breakfast in the dark - 30/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I like many other days, I got up to make breakfast before dawn. Not wanting to waste food, I took apart a chicken that looked fine, cutting away some of the breast for a burrito, only to realize after I ate it and went to throw out the bony bits, it was completely moldy underneath. Penicillin, anyone? FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 174

Hacked

By Now an Android kind of guy - 30/05/2025 18:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, at the Apple Store, the crew, security, manager, technician, and fellow customers alike, never bothered covering up to laugh at me when I went there to have my phone fixed. Someone somehow hacked my iPhone, and when I use the Face ID, it makes a bloodcurdling scream of fear in full volume, then shuts down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 102

Bitch better have my money

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 08:00

Today, a customer has been tanking my business online, claiming I’m a fraud and stole her money. She ordered a painted copy of one of her wedding photos and was mad she couldn’t pick it up that same afternoon. Do you have any idea how long portraits take to paint? Longer than two hours I can tell you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 56

This is the end

By MexyBoy - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 months and I broke up. We decided to give back everything we ever bought for each other. I gave her the stuff she bought me and when I asked for my stuff she said she'd sold it and spent the money on herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 261

You deserved it 6 700

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 184

Snaked

By Drained - 30/05/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 66

Disappointment

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. My brilliant college-bound daughter is throwing her life and future away to play “step-mama” with her scummy dropout boyfriend. The loser is 17 with three kids but my daughter is absolutely smitten. Neither my husband nor I can make her change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 89

Thanks but no thanks

By Nicole - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 3 371

This is fine

By Ouch - 29/05/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I are too much alike. We're both too stubborn to accept any olive branch from each other, even though all we want is to make up, so we just live in this mutual self-inflicted hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 646

Stop moving!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to try and capture some of my dog’s pee to get tests done. During the attempt, he pissed all up my arm, the ordeal drawing a crowd of spectators who no doubt think I’ve gone mad. After all that, the sample captured wasn’t enough to be tested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 102

Strange system

By Anonymous - 29/05/2025 09:00 - Sweden - Gothenburg

Today, I was expecting a big sum of money for skipping last year's vacation while working as a freelancer, as I've done the last four years. Turns out I won't get the money, as last month I accepted a full time employment, and now that money has been turned into vacation days instead. Guess I won't buy a new home yet… FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 131

Eat Y'self Fitter

By Shnur - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 years-old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother with shocked look and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 260

You deserved it 21 472

Not the time to get distracted

By Lost Reggie - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Vilonia

Today, after a tearful weekend of burying my best friend, I stopped for gas on my way home. I got distracted by a guy next to me who was acting strange. I unknowingly filled my car with Diesel. It cost over $1000 to tow home, and I can't even get it looked at until Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 286

Isn't this, like, a crime?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 161

Classic Dad moment

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 22:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 136

Be careful what you wish for

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 808

You deserved it 3 412

Bet!

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 21:00 - China - Wuhan

Today, I made a bet with my classmate that I would dare to play a weird song in front of the professor. I did, and as promised, she was supposed to give me $20, but she said it was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 340

A for Effort, but…

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to balloons, streamers, and my roommates yelling “SURPRISE!” Unfortunately, they got the wrong day. My birthday is next week, and now I'll probably have to pretend to be surprised again in seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 95

Just trying to help

By Dave - 28/05/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I saw a little boy wandering in the supermarket looking lost and distraught. I gently put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Hey buddy, where’s your mommy?” He screamed, “STRANGER DANGER!” and kicked me in the shin. His actual mom wandered over from the cheese section, gave me a dirty look, and walked off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 178

Tool Academy

By soundbox - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was watching "Tool Academy" with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be "Tiny Tool." I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 838

You deserved it 4 857

Bloody Janet

By Not Janet - 28/05/2025 03:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was on a Zoom call with my mic muted. Or so I thought. After about a minute, I started ranting about how Janet always gets credit for my work. Janet was in the meeting. So was my boss. None of them was receptive to my criticism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 595

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Friends TV shows Coworkers Weird Work Transportation Airplanes Health Mental health Therapy ACAB Gross Parents My ex Intimacy Sex Cleaning Relatable Annoying Technology Games Geek Rings Love Engagement Awkward Jewelry

The Top

Today, I just got a girlfriend who I love a lot, but I’m friends with this other girl out of pity. It’s so obvious she likes me a lot, and even goes the extra mile for me, but she’s just not my type. I’ve contemplated many times how to get rid of her without hurting her feelings. I just can’t bring myself to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 584

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 876

You deserved it 3 328

The Top

Today, I live in Vancouver, Washington where there is absolutely nothing to do for an adult on any day of the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 422

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 434

Today, I was willing to sit behind a truck doing 10km/h just to hear an interview with Robbie Williams on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 517

You deserved it 22 996

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 921

You deserved it 56 279

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 221

You deserved it 635

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 193

You deserved it 44 193