not a very good brain. It would take a lot more than a sucker punch for him to steal all your stuff, wimp.

Either he/she is a klepto (sp?) or the OP has an imaginary friend and likes hitting himself and throwing his stuff around and blaming it on Bob the postman or whatever.. or someone is lying

i agree sounds like a big fat lie

Don't trust people that you don't know.

I think it sounds like a burglar that had to improvise. Because the OP was coming in he just decided to sit on the couch and pretend to be the mom's friend. That was pretty smart actually. But yeah, FYL

fake fml

I would have said 'go to www.gunsamerica.com and get yourself a colt 1911 .45 or something' then I saw you live in a commie state. wouldn't happen to me because I have a sign in my front yard warning that I carry all the time. you should still fill out your commie registration papers for the gun though.... here in ky we don't register at all.

then why are you trusting this FML??

wow that sucks! fyl :/

sounds like the robber stole OP's common sense along with the brain. If I even so much hear a sound when I'm home alone or if my parents are gone I grab a knife or the closest thing to me (which is usually my umbrella) and my phone and go investigate. OP=DUMBASS

stranger danger!!!!

Fail. OP - that sucks.

youre the fail

so is FIRST the new second? I'm confused haha

This is why I am in favor of mandating that you provide proof that you are at least 13 years old before registering for any web-site.

A decent idea

You know what's REALLY funny about this comment? If you hadn't used all those exclamation points, you might have submitted the comment in time to actually be first. You can't even accomplish your stupid pseudo-achievement because of the same bragging mindset that makes you want to do it. This bullshit is as childish as racing to push the button on an elevator. The fact that you are spending valuable time constantly clicking refresh hoping for an opportunity to be first the first reply to an FML post indicates that you are not going anywhere, and people should not be using their precious resources keeping you alive. About the OP, I think this is a lie. This was clearly a burglar, not really a friend of his mother. I doubt a burglar would be wasting time resting on the couch when an occupant of the house, the OP for example, could come in at any moment. It would be more believable if you claimed that he was rummaging through some drawers, or even just appeared to be looking for something around the room. Also, you list your car keys among the things he stole. If a man had actually stolen your car keys, it's almost certain he wouldn't have bothered unless he was going to steal your car too. If he had stolen your car, I doubt you would be worried about him stealing your car keys as much as you would be about your car, and you would say he stole your car, not your keys. This is a lie. I'm sick and tired of explaining why you dumbass liars are ruining this site. Go **** yourself.

....damn. anger management much?

you all a buttheads

^ win.

lllumi113 1st of all that was to long of a comment and 2nd of all get a life ur sayin that that person was goin nowhere when your over here writing long ass comments i mean seriosly

lol at lllumi

u meant , SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right?

@121 you need help. And nobody asked for your opinion. Stop crying about exclamation points and lies on a website and go get a life:)

i feel like he probably heard op come in and had nowhere to go so he sat down and tried to save his ass

lawlsauce

Oh snap. All we need now is a series of crimes caused by FML members just so our victims can post here and we have something to laugh at. Wait. I actually don't see anything wrong with this.

In the words of Debbi -- Let's go do some crimes /mid 80's reference

He told you to join him on the couch?!?!? Didn't that sound a little inappropriate? It must be awkward to think that this dude used your money and your car to pork your mom. BTW, look up the term Donkey Punch before you use it incorrectly. It doesn't mean what you might think.

do u even know what a donkey punch is?

mercy - 1) Serve the public trust. 2) Protect the innocent. 3) Uphold the law.

bladerunner amirite?