All the FMLs

Missing out

By Not stonks - 05/07/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, my workplace is doing a "time and a half" day for the Fourth of July. Take a wild guess at who is the only employee who's not scheduled to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 166

Sorry

By brokeforever - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 121

You deserved it 12 919

Happy Frustrating 4th of July!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 07:00

Today, my wife won't let me light one my fireworks off early. I'm a grown man, darn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 1 015

Lizard queen

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 06:00

Today, someone tried to guess my age. They guessed 45, then 39. I'm 35 and just spent $20,000 on plastic surgery to make myself look more youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 1 772

Happy together

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 02:00

Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 171

The Manosphere is like the Metaverse for morons

By get the fuck out! - 04/07/2023 22:00

Today, I overheard my husband’s disgusting misogynist brother saying that I shouldn’t be allowed to discipline my son, because “it’ll turn him into one of those pussy ass soyboy simps that listens to bitches.” My husband didn’t even back me when I told the douche to leave our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 226

Happy America Day Mofos!

By Your ass... Grab it... - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was out on a leisurely jog. Out of nowhere, a car slowed down in the street, and a passenger screamed "HAPPY 4TH OF JULY, MOTHERFUCKER," before tossing a lit Roman Candle at my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 525

You deserved it 4 446

Flight from Hell

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 17:00

Today, I was sat next to a screaming baby on a 9-hour flight. Now before anyone has a go at me, I am in no way blaming the baby, I’m blaming the mother with her makeup hair and nails done perfectly, with her AirPods on, staring at her phone, and ignoring her screaming child the full 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 110

Seize the day

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 15:00

Today, a guy that I've been friends with for almost 20 years, and for whom I have never shown even the slightest bit of romantic interest in, confessed his love for me. In front of everyone we know, at mine and my fiancé's engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 158

Party time!

By Kate - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 170

You deserved it 4 084

What did you expect?

By Effing buzzkill - 04/07/2023 10:00

Today, I stole a classmate’s graphic calculator because I couldn’t afford one. She reported it missing to the professor. He wouldn’t let anyone leave class until it turned up. Not even saying I had diarrhea had him let me go. In fact, he told me to empty my backpack right there and then. I’m suspended. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 545

Sneaky

By Anony Mous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 429

You deserved it 4 989

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 03:00 - Belgium - Eupen

Today, I'm pregnant and feeling awful due to all-day-long morning sickness. My doctor suggested that I cancel all my social plans to be able to keep working. My doctor is also my husband, and the father of this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 250

Alexa, play "Ghost Rider" by Suicide

By Soon to be felon - 03/07/2023 22:00

Today, my sister got a speeding ticket in the mail. A month ago, I got pulled over and used her name, intending to take care of it but forgot. She's going to the police station to review the footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 1 682

Snitch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity, all because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 2 039

Food is food

By Anonymous - 03/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 114

Scheming

By Blood aint shhh - 03/07/2023 12:00

Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 107

My house, your rules

By stepmom to be - 03/07/2023 01:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé's kids say they never want to come back to our house because I’m “mean” and have "too many rules." Rules such as brushing teeth twice a day, flushing the toilet after every use, no food allowed in the bedrooms, and no sleeping in until 2pm. Guess that makes me unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 196

Cheers

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out that the friend I stayed up with for nights on end, talking out of depression and suicide, has "politely" posted up on Facebook that he secretly hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 126

You deserved it 3 571

Slacker

By Valet Guy - 03/07/2023 06:34

Today, it marks the 24th day of being on this site, as nothing else will load at my work, and it takes me 30 minutes to watch a 3 minute-long video. I'm going to die in this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 437

Valetguy tells us more.

Valetguy 4

Sunday 2 July 2023 21:34

OP here, yeah actually. I sit at a gate all day in a parking garage and watch people pay and get tickets, I get up everytime someone needs assistance, so yes please explain cause I'm very interested in how the **** I can do my job more than I am. 😂 And other guy, what does IT have to do with no signal in a parking garage? Absofuckinglutely nothing 😀

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 150

RIP Dave Prowse

By Davios - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic, only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 172

You deserved it 5 783

Manipulation

By Klaus - 02/07/2023 22:00

Today, my girlfriend of over a year said, "Being loved by you is the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful I now know how it feels to be treated with kindness…" Then the word "but" and her abusive, estranged husband's name were uttered in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 148

Peacemaker

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my coworker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 489

You deserved it 14 278

Panic

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 11:00 - United States - Palacios

Today, I'm a bookkeeper for a small company next to the ocean. It’s usually just me in the office, except when the owners stop by unannounced. I take #2s discreetly so they dont walk in on me. Today I couldn’t get my #2 to flush and didnt have a plunger, so I scooped it into a pitcher, ran outside, and threw it in the ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 284

Red tape

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 15:00

Today, I drove for 45 minutes to find an open print shop to scan and email my signed severance agreement for the job I'd worked at for two years, so I can keep the maximum value of the severance. They specifically asked me to scan a copy, instead of mailing. Now they've blocked my email, so I can't get my severance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 105

WTF Grandma?

By Anonymous - 02/07/2023 10:00

Today, I spoke to my grandma on the phone. Two hours later, my cousin sends me a screenshot of my grandma inviting her and my sister out to lunch tomorrow. This is the fourth lunch in a row I have NOT been invited too. I don't know why she keeps doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 126

The great pretender

By theraarman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who isn't me, because her siblings and cousins don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 3 220

It doesn't work like that

By Comeon - 02/07/2023 06:00

Today, the girl of my dreams rejected my advances once again. This is a girl who’s had her heart broken over and over again by cheaters and abusers. She can’t even recognize something great, even if it’s staring at her in the face. What do I have to do to end her vicious cycle of endless heartbreak? FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 1 825

No time to lose

By Atma - 02/07/2023 03:00

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 226

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weddings Awkward Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Embarrassing Health Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Ironic Medication Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Work

The Top

USA, USA, USA, and more precisely Philadelphia. That's where we're landing today. When I first discovered Justin, on 9gag or an awesome website like that, I knew exactly this little guy was perfect to fit in the FML illustrated section. His crazy, c...

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 8

Well. I must admit when I first received today's illustration, seeing the massive pliers pop out kind of freaked me out. Then I reached the last panel and I'm not sure if it's out of anxiety relief or what, but I laughed so hard I might have choked a...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 313

You deserved it 3 187

Today, my cousin left her undisciplined demon-child at my house for Christmas. This child destroyed the other children's gifts and made so much noise that the neighbors called the police. The adults can't really discipline her while her mother is away, so all we can do is apologize in this child's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 691

You deserved it 1 573

Today, after I'd being sick all day, my boyfriend volunteered to do my very long sociology paper. I was later notified by my professor that the paper I'd submitted was completely plagiarized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 2 195

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 947

You deserved it 3 734

Today, I went to see three houses to buy. For the past year I've been trying, but investors swoop in and buy the house cash to turn around and rent it. I just want my first actual home for my family, but one of the houses I was going to put an offer on already has a cash offer on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 105

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 932

You deserved it 6 793