All the FMLs

Vibe check

By justanidiot - 20/09/2020 22:01 - United States - Macon

Today, I've been getting weird vibes from my boyfriend of over a year and half, so I made a fake Tinder account. Guess who my first match was? My now ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 202

You're fired!

By Schuyler Davis - 21/09/2020 02:01

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 135

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 522

A teenage dream's so hard to beat…

By parenting fail - 20/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, my stepdaughter proudly showed off her new tattoo. It says "Jace’s place" in sloppy script on her lower belly. She’s 15. Jace is a boy she’s been seeing for 3 months. She got the tattoo in "some guy’s garage." It happened during her weekend visit with her father. Hello teenage rebellion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 187

Stormy weather

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United Stated - Portland

Today, I was about to have sex with my long-term boyfriend, when it started to rain. He was so interested in the storm that he left me half naked to look outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 255

Drunk level: 2000

By morningbirdie - 20/09/2020 14:01

Today, I had to pick up my dad because he was too drunk to drive home. Drive his wheelchair home, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 99

Always ask for documentation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 945

You deserved it 300

Facebook Memories

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 23:03 - Canada

Today, Facebook showed me pictures from five years of a happy time I had traveling with a boyfriend, who later ended our 8-year relationship by telling me he had gotten an apartment and furniture in secret, and was moving out. No warning, no reason, no explanation. He never spoke to me again. I loved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 224

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was spending time with my affectionate pet rabbit. He was hanging out with me on my bed as usual. After I finished giving him a long and thorough head rub, he thanked me by emptying his bladder on my leg. What is that, marking me as his property? True affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 267

They're everywhere

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 23:01

Today, I started a new job. I was in a meeting, all day, training under a guy. This was the same middle-class-gravyboat guy who has no idea what he's doing, attributes things to false-positive root causes, and is defensive whenever someone knows more than him. I left my last job because of this type of guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 250

This woman's work

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 98

The joy of newborn babies

By mala_19 - 19/09/2020 14:02 - Sweden

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 258

Where is my mind?

By brainfart - 19/09/2020 10:01

Today, I was put on a medication for severe migraines. One of the side effects is difficulty concentrating and word recall. I was writing a paper and sat there trying to remember how to spell "isn't." This medication better work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 113

Bigmouth strikes again

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over. My mom told him the story about the time she caught me having sex with my ex-boyfriend. My ex is his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 1 223

Can you hear me, Dave?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 05:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 215

Blowin' in the wind

By Tired - 19/09/2020 02:02 - United Stated

Today, for the third night in a row, I didn't get any sleep, because my neighbor's new dog won't stop barking when the wind blows. Where I live, we get major wind gusts most days of the week. It's going to be another long night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 106

In for the long haul

By PoopyNuts - 18/09/2020 23:01

Today, my very financially stable grandparents bought my girlfriend and I two first class tickets on Air Emirates, which to me is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To my dismay, my colon did not approve of the peanuts and I spent the whole flight shitting out what seemed to be molten rocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 223

Masterchef

By Todd - 18/09/2020 17:00

Today, I bought tomato sauce and tomato paste to make rigatoni. Forgot to buy the meat and the pasta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 966

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 212

Bonjour!

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 10:01

Today, in a job interview I confirmed I could speak French, as I lived in France for 6 years and became fluent, but I was so nervous that when my interviewer started speaking French, I froze up and the entire French language exited my brain like it was escaping a fire. I was kicked out for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 280

Lockdown fashion

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 18:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my partner got a lockdown haircut. He now has a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 207

Stuck in traffic

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 18/09/2020 05:25

Today, I'm still learning how to drive stick. I went to pick up my son from school and stalled out during high traffic. The crossing guard had to rescue me by getting in my car and pull it out of the flow of traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 640

WhataStrangeTripThisIs tells us more.

WhataStrangeTripThisIs 23

Friday 18 September 2020 4:08

OP here! I got the car as a Christmas present from my fiance. My previous car was totaled by an ex (intentionally, another FML) and I'm a poor single mom, so I didn't have much choice except to learn how to drive it asap or walk. I was doing fairly well, but was in a line of cars on a hill, with the car behind me a few inches off my bumper. The First and Reverse are right next to each other, and in a panic, I couldn't figure out if I was in Reverse. On a hill you have to really hit the gas or you roll back. I couldn't tell which gear I was in, so the choice was not hit the gas hard enough and roll into the car behind me, or maybe accidentally in R and floor it into the car behind me. Had a blank moment of panic. The crossing guard was a sweetheart and pulled my car out for me so I could take a few breaths. Then cheered me on when I recovered and peeled out! P.S. This does not make me just another stupid American.

Uninvolved

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 05:06

Today, I woke up to the only home I've ever known in 32 years being burned to ash by a wildfire with everything we own inside, barely getting me and my dogs out alive. My boyfriend of 3 years promised me we would work through this together, no matter what it took, only to completely ghost me a few hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 124

Co-parenting

By not helping - 17/09/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I confiscated my daughter’s tablet, phone and laptop after I caught her exchanging nudes with boys. My ex then called me in a rage, threatening to take me to court over “stealing his belongings” since he purchased them. No concern for our daughter’s behavior, just him wanting the stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 167

Observational comedy

By Anonymous - 17/09/2020 22:59

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 193

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 192

Now Playing

By Thescarlettfox - 17/09/2020 16:58

Today, my eleven-year-old cousin, who lives with me, has discovered Old Town Road. He’s been playing it for four hours on repeat and I’m ready to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 127

NFL 2020

By boredbymyself - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, it was the first game of 2020 Notre Dame football. My boyfriend’s family are huge fans and were upset because they weren’t doing well. When I left to get snacks for everyone, Notre Dame finally started playing better. I’ve been sent to the kitchen until further notice, because apparently I’m “bad luck”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 202

Witnessed

By heathen atheist - 17/09/2020 10:01

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 404

You deserved it 260

Skidmarks

By smelly asses - 17/09/2020 07:50

Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 216

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Parents Kids Awkward Thief Animals Dogs Relatable Thanksgiving Love Money Birthday Argument Health Family Politics Frustration Intimacy Sex Parenting Allergies Work Miscellaneous First Dates AITA Road rage Cute Alcohol

The Top

Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 748

You deserved it 4 499

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 082

The Top

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 204

You deserved it 3 023

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 262

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 462

You deserved it 415

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Today, my girlfriend revealed she'd had an abortion. I wasn’t even aware she’d been pregnant, and she admitted it’s because my grandad and two of my siblings have autism, and she didn’t want to risk having an autistic child and dealing with the shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 210

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 3 307