Health

Something rotten

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, the gas company had to be called into work for a possible gas leak. The pipes are fine. I had White Castle for dinner last night. I'm the gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 126

You deserved it 1 427

Artful dodger

By Anonymous - 13/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my chemotherapy has knocked me so I couldn’t even climb stairs at the train station. Another passenger helped me to the top, which I was so grateful for until I realised he was a pickpocket. On one staircase he got away with my wallet, phone, earphones, and gold bracelet FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 79

Malding

By Recessive Reece - 12/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I'm the only one in my family who doesn't need glasses and who isn't lactose intolerant. However, I'm the only one in my family rapidly balding at the age of 25. Even my grandparents on both sides have full heads of hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 79

Misery loves company

By Club Member Prospect - 12/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my sister made me a "hearty" breakfast. It was a large bowl of oatmeal which consisted of 10% raw oats and 90% Nutella. This started ever since our medical tests results came out about a month ago. She and her husband registered as diabetics, their son is pre-diabetic, and I came out clean as can be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 76

A Worldcon for Our Futures

By Semipro Writer - 11/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been a week since I flew to Scotland to attend a writer's retreat and then go to WorldCon to see friends and try and sell the book I just finished. I tested positive for Covid the first day of the retreat, and every day since. I already missed the retreat. Now it looks like I'll be missing the con, too. Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 105

Perfect timing

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, at 36 years-old, I will be leaving to go on my first ever vacation. Aunt Flo held off until yesterday so she could come with me, and she's BAD this month. We were planning on going to the beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 115

Shattered

By ParkerRommel - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 259

You deserved it 7 137

Avalanche

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 05:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I fell, cut my hand, and needed four stitches. Yesterday, I caught a cold. Two days before that, my girlfriend broke up with me. No rest for the wicked, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 98

Pragmatism

By Dee - 10/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to admit to my partner that occasionally when feeling I'm depressed, I binge eat until my stomach hurts. His response? "We can't financially afford you doing that." I guess finances mean more to him than my mental health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 425

Easy peasy

By KATY - 10/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after watching a few YouTube tutorials and thinking it looked easy, I decided to cut my own bangs. Halfway through, my scissors broke. Now I have uneven bangs and no way to fix them until I get to a salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 430

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 531

Overcome

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to dress up as the school mascot for a big game. The costume was incredibly hot, and I ended up fainting on the field. When I came to, I was surrounded by worried kids and my head was in the lap of the opposing team's mascot, who was trying to give me CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 93

Check yourself out

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I resorted to trying to guilt trip my husband into getting his prostate checked. He asked for one good reason why he should, so I said because he has two kids who don’t want to see him get prostate cancer. His response, "Nope, not good enough, now leave me alone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 172

Stinky

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to work at my new job after taking a shower but I'd forgotten to put on deodorant. I started getting strange looks and wondered why, only to find out later that everyone was talking about me, including someone I have a crush on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 347

Crunchy

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 12:00 - Denmark - Randers

Today, I made a smoothie with all the healthy ingredients I could find. As I took my first sip, I realized too late that I had accidentally blended in a dead fly that had fallen into the blender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 155

Looking good

By JillianJuneBug - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, the bad haircut I got recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look like He-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 218

You deserved it 467

Wow thanks, I'm cured

By LillyLogan - 05/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Dorchester

Today, I went to a pain specialist to get help with my chronic pain. He did not diagnose anything or discuss causes. He then said, "Good luck with that" as I left. Of course, I still got billed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 75

Living my best life

By disappointed - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 634

You deserved it 4 333

Tough enough

By zana - 05/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comb my hair after waking up. I not only broke the comb but also pulled a muscle in my arm. I do not go to bed with wet hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 106

Itchy arse

By DaggerHole - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 353

You deserved it 16 669

Skincare

By Anonymous - 04/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, months after a severe poison ivy rash, I have learned that I now have a very intense poison ivy allergy. As in, any exposure to poison ivy at all will cause my face, hands, thighs, and groin to swell up and itch madly for up to a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 69

Teeth gang rise up

By Luke Sparacio - 04/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Cary

Today, I just got back from school with my mouth feeling like a bomb site, and also very hungry. I just got my braces installed yesterday, and I have to wear them for 18 months. I can barely eat anything solid, which means I will be hungry more often. It's going to be an awesome 18 months trying to focus on school! FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 123

No fun

By Ed. - 04/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Stoke Newington

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 91

My life story

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 16:00 - Germany - Undeloh

Today, if I was watching my life as a movie, I'd be thinking: "Come on, it is SO obvious that this will be a story about some gods having a bet about how fast they can get this woman to kill herself, and whether big things like health problems work best, or rather constant small annoyances." FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 132

The Curse

By nancypants1124 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was joking around with my manager about faking an injury to collect Worker's Compensation. Then I actually slipped and sprained my foot, and now my manager thinks I'm lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 980

You deserved it 12 713

A mother's love

By Anna - 02/08/2024 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was stranded on the couch with a sleeping baby. I had my phone, but everything I wanted to do needed both hands, or sound. I was toying with my phone on my lips when someone texted me, causing the phone to vibrate my teeth, which hurt, and to avoid my baby falling, I crunched my shoulder and pulled a muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 457

Skittish

By Anonymous - 01/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was halfway through a pair of pants I'd started making when my PTSD kicked in and I had a panic attack, and thought someone was yelling at me, so my response was to throw a pair of sewing scissors at the non-existent person. They hit the wall and now I have to get the wall patched up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 233

Don't do this

By Anonymous - 31/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at the gym trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. She was on the treadmill, and I thought it would be cute to wave hello. Instead, she looked horrified and sped up, then slipped and fell off the treadmill. She thought I was mocking her, and now everyone at the gym hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 410

Stank tank

By Anonymous - 30/07/2024 06:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that I have a bacteria causing me to smell bad. For the last three years, strangers would say that I stink, I thought it was because I'm a smoker and they could smell cigarettes from my clothes, only to find out that people could smell my vagina through my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 286

Worn out work out

By Anonymous - 29/07/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I have to admit to being extremely conservative. As in: Literally. My body is so hell-bent on conserving energy that, after a sweaty workout, it tells me, “That is quite enough, young lady. There will be no more heating of non-vital body parts for the rest of the day.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 115

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I had to use my husband's vehicle. He has been spiraling into a mean, bigoted man. I got into his vehicle and the radio was on a station that was spewing weird stereotypes of women, and making fun of anyone who is not a hard supporter of a certain orange politician/businessman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 247

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 257

You deserved it 79 303

The Top

Today, I received a $250 ticket when I parked my car, that has the disabled placard, in a handicapped spot at a Wal-Mart. The officer said she watched me get out of the car and walk to store without appearing to be disabled. I'm 59 years old, have a steel rod in my spine and a prosthetic hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 306

You deserved it 3 349

Today, I went over to my friend’s house while she was sick. In order to show me how bad her sense of smell was, she took a handful of VapoRub and rubbed it all over and inside of my nose then said, “Can you smell that? I can’t.” Yes, I can. But I can also feel my nostrils burning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 265

You deserved it 287

Today, I got excited because my husband will be away for 5 days, which means I'll be able to deep clean the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 946

You deserved it 2 150

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 198

You deserved it 1 986

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 5 424

Today, I was driving to the DMV to take a test, after getting some points removed from my license. On the way there, I got a speeding ticket and got my license suspended completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 457

You deserved it 52 780