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By bitchimgay - 22/07/2012 16:48 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 137

You deserved it 2 336

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 678

You deserved it 48 423

By Raaaaage - 22/07/2012 06:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 150

You deserved it 2 147

By Closingwild - 21/07/2012 06:18 - Mexico - Zapopan

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 505

You deserved it 2 686

By AussieG75 - 21/07/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Augustine

Today, I heard screaming coming from my neighbor's house. Since her husband has a history of abusing her, I called the cops. After they left with him in custody, she called to yell at me because they were "working things out" after "having a few drinks". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 399

You deserved it 2 554

By divorce? i think so - 21/07/2012 02:12 - Canada - Markham

Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 307

You deserved it 3 318

By Grrr - 20/07/2012 07:58 - United States - Salem

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 392

You deserved it 2 080

Peckish

By Bontempi - 19/07/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 639

You deserved it 42 729

By ThatGirl - 19/07/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 569

You deserved it 2 206

By alaskaintexas - 19/07/2012 07:29 - United States - Bulverde

Today, I found out my sister-in-law is getting married. She is one of my best friends, and was my maid of honor when I got married. She's asked me to serve punch at hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 573

You deserved it 2 867

alaskaintexas tells us more.

alaskaintexas 0

Thursday 19 July 2012 19:27

Her maid of honor is already married, and she's not getting married for the second time. I just married her brother. And btw, I'm planning her wedding with her mother, not her.

By Anonymous - 19/07/2012 04:55 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had a few friends over. Wanting to seem cool, I yelled at my girlfriend to get me a beer. She chucked four bottles at my head. All my friends cheered her on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 855

You deserved it 80 993

By Anonymous - 18/07/2012 17:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 602

You deserved it 6 929

You better shape up

By anonymous - 18/07/2012 04:02 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 093

You deserved it 4 751

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 20:19 - United States - Renton

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 734

You deserved it 2 220

City kids

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 08:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 308

You deserved it 25 363

By theuglyfriend - 17/07/2012 06:09 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I went to a coffee shop with my friend. The guy rang her up and said it was only a dollar as he winked at her $10 purchase. Then he rang me up at completely full price. She got his number and I got to be the ugly friend once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 794

You deserved it 3 790

By anonymous - 17/07/2012 04:54 - Canada - Boucherville

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 807

You deserved it 2 180

By Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 993

You deserved it 2 248

By Taylor - 15/07/2012 14:42 - United States - Eastchester

Today, I shaved my legs for the first time in three weeks. It took half an hour, three disposable razors, and I cut my legs up so badly they look worse then they did when they were hairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 977

You deserved it 32 884

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 225

You deserved it 2 447

Backfire

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 175

You deserved it 54 779

By tapeissticky591 - 14/07/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 910

You deserved it 36 527

DMV blues

By HellisLikeTheDMV - 13/07/2012 15:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 697

You deserved it 27 299

By shorty4 - 13/07/2012 14:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 363

You deserved it 7 697

By LetItRip - 12/07/2012 20:35 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I nailed every single move in my routine at a gymnastics competition. I then finished off with a perfect split, letting out a fart loud enough to wake up a kid in China. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 575

You deserved it 3 378

By failure - 12/07/2012 16:08 - United States - Hector

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 988

You deserved it 3 631

By Anonymous - 12/07/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 364

You deserved it 32 147

By hot coffee - 12/07/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I discovered I'd left my coffee on top of my car when it fell through the sun roof whilst I was driving, showering me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 823

You deserved it 27 147

By etmerda - 12/07/2012 10:31 - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 4 702

By jenA - 12/07/2012 02:40 - United States

Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 469

You deserved it 2 682

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my fifth birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 694

You deserved it 69 008

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 786

You deserved it 4 772

The Top

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 4 354

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 301

You deserved it 4 470

Today, my boyfriend and I were having early morning sex and I was getting pretty loud. Suddenly, I got a text from Amazon saying my overnight package had just been delivered. You have to walk by my room to get to the front door, and my window was wide open. The text came with a grinning emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 475

Today, I realized I’m living with a complete moron. I moved in thinking it was gonna be smooth but nope. Dude thought it was okay to put mothballs INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE to help with roaches. Who the fuck does that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 422

Today, I finally gathered up the guts to say hi to the girl I like. As I was walking down the hallway, I saw her and waved hello, only to walk into a bathroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 250

You deserved it 6 053

Today, I walked in on my husband sniffing my sister’s panties from her laundry basket. He had the gall to defend himself and told me, “If you wore these sexy thongs and cheekies instead of them granny panties, I wouldn’t be doing this.” I wear “granny panties” because I recently gave birth to our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 160