Poopoo peepee

Raincheck?

By jib - 09/04/2022 07:00 - United States - Kilgore

Today, I was suffering from some gastric distress. While on my way to a job interview, I slipped on some concrete that was wet due to a recent slight rain shower. I didn't fall. I DID shit my pants though. I walked back home slowly in shame to clean up the mess. I didn't make it to the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 132

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 227

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 14:00

Today, my new boyfriend told me he was having a “swamp day”. Apparently, it’s a day where for some reason, no matter how thoroughly he wipes his ass, he will need to wipe it again every 30 minutes, as shit continually leaks out of him and turns his ass crack “swampy.” I think I threw up a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 159

Pushing the envelope

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 04:00

Today, I was constipated and strained so hard that I threw up into my pants and all over my shoes. I was at work, and no, I didn’t have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 180

The usual suspects

By Anonymous - 30/03/2022 11:00 - United States - Bassett

Today, I woke up to my mom calling me. I'm 90 miles away, staying at my cousin's. Someone shit on the windshield of her car, and she is blaming my friends, and is pissed at me who is out of town, and my friends who I believe were driving to a out of state concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 116

Shitty situation #766

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was surprised to see a lot of blood when I looked down the toilet while I was pooping, as I don't have my period right now. I've been heavily constipated since I've consumed my allergy medicines. The thing is, I need them to function normally, as I'd be sneezing every minute if it wasn't for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 103

Hype house prank style

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I woke up to find I'd peed the bed. My girlfriend did the warm water trick to me, where she put my hand in water while sleeping, which can make you piss yourself apparently. As I went to get up, I noticed she'd also painted my toenails pink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 197

Doggy dog world

By gagus123 - 24/03/2022 22:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I agreed to care for my girlfriend’s sister's dog. She assured us that the dog was housetrained, but when I got home from work at 07:00 AM my girlfriend was sleeping and there was not only one “accident” but five. This is going to be a fun weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 131

They call me the geyser

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 22:00

Today, it's been 3 weeks since we had dinner with my sister's new girlfriend, who made us a Chinese soup that was "good for digestion". I’ve had cast iron bowels for 32 years with no problems, but for the 3 weeks since that soup, I have to shit brown water 10 times a day and I’m in agony. I think she poisoned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 152

No, you don't

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 13:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found actual poop inside the washing machine. Gotta love roommates… FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 102

Cranberry juice might help

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 16:00

Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 133

More haste, less speed

By Mom. - 07/03/2022 22:00

Today, I was rushing to get my 4 month-old daughter out of the car because I had diarrhea and need to get to a toilet ASAP. In the process of leaning in the backseat to grab her car seat, I smacked my head on the door hard and almost knocked myself out. Now I have a giant knot on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 112

Late bloomer

By Mike - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 133

You deserved it 3 084

Anyone would've ran

By Mike - 25/02/2022 15:59

Today, my friend is mad at me because last night at the midnight show, I “left him there” when he was drunk and thought it would be funny to take a dump in the theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 96

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I was delivering food for GrubHub. I spilled a tiny portion of the customer’s lemonade. It was not enough to notice any was missing, but enough to notice. The customer was an attractive guy, who thought I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 160

Broom time

By juel - 20/02/2022 04:00

Today, after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhea, I somehow managed to get poop on the ceiling. I still don’t know how it ended up there, and I’m too short to reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 177

Doggy dog world

By this means war! - 19/02/2022 14:00

Today, I reported my neighbor to the leasing office for never picking up her dog’s turds. They told me they couldn't do anything without proof, so I snapped a picture and sent it in. Ever since then, I’ve been getting dog turds thrown on my porch. Coincidence? I think not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 229

So sweet

By Aislinn - 12/02/2022 12:01

Today, my one year-old took his diaper off and peed on my chest while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 196

Mission successful

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 299

I remember this feeling

By AdultBaby? - 04/02/2022 08:01

Today, just like the past 10 days, I have COVID. Today was also the day my body decided to betray me. I threw up and simultaneously shit myself for the first time since I was in diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 117

Great timing

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 118

Dump the dump

By lily anne - 30/01/2022 02:00

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 144

Filthy animal

By Chris - 25/01/2022 14:01

Today, I work maintenance at a warehouse store. I had to clean the men's stall because someone had pooped on the seat, the floor, and got some on the wall. When I took my break, I noticed that my fellow maintenance coworker had poop on his pants and shoes. I then realized that I just cleaned up his “mess.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 108

Dumping

By Baby Momma - 20/01/2022 22:00 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, I found out that my breathing exercises I learned during pregnancy will not be for nothing after ending up having a C-section, because I'll apparently need them every time I relieve myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 120

Ice age

By Drew - 16/01/2022 16:59

Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 156

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 05:01

Today, I went to change my one year-old son's diaper and it was a total disaster! He'd picked at his diaper and it came loose. There was poop all over his sleeper, and when I went to clean it up, he put his hands in it. Let's just say I threw the damn sleeper away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 219

Hackerman

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 04:59

Today, someone hacked my Facebook and is posting countless pictures of poop, saying it’s mine. I'm beyond embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 161

Working class hero

By WellPoop - 22/12/2021 22:59 - United States

Today, I took a massive dump in a trashcan in the back of my company's catering truck. We have a professional tailgate spread for clients to enjoy at the local games. My boss got drunk and left me to work it alone for 8 hours. The closest bathroom is 1/2 mile away. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 142

Pissed

By CatDad - 18/12/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss in my toilet, and my cat came and jumped up onto the toilet bin and looked at what I was doing. Instinctively, thinking she'd jump in or something, I grabbed her while I was midstream, causing me to piss on her, and on my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 845

All bunged up

By julie ugly - 30/11/2021 07:58

Today, I tried a new medicine in hopes that it would stop my stomach from constantly growling. Turns out, my body can either digest loudly, or not at all. I’ve been full for three days after one regular-sized meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 109

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 662

You deserved it 52 034

Today, a friend and I tell each other everything about our relationships, and we’ve been flirting for two years, but we’re not together. I started to have feelings for him, but I didn’t say anything, then the guy started to disappear and I don't know if he has an avoidant attachment, or he's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 495

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 651

You deserved it 7 435

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 875

You deserved it 3 505

Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year-old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 846

You deserved it 4 692

Today, I was given a new trainee at work. It was the conniving skank who screwed my brother-in-law and ruined my sister’s marriage. When I refused to train her, I was written up and sent home, while the home wrecking whore just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 236

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 773

You deserved it 5 265

Today, I found out that I don't have to work tomorrow. Normally I would be thrilled to hear this, but not from the 6 o'clock news, doing a piece on my work's rat infestation and indefinite shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 984

You deserved it 1 399