Intimacy, Sex, Virginity and Teenagers: Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

By Anonymous - 29/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 274

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Same thing different taste

By whyeventry? - 02/08/2013 04:39 - United States - Neenah

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 157

You deserved it 12 722

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 9 534

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 48 638

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 12 201

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 756

You deserved it 8 003

By bellaboop1990 - 14/07/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was getting boring. We haven't had sex yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 514

You deserved it 6 367

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 22:21 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 3 107

What what?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 1 457

By thisblows - 16/03/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. I started to moan right when I was about to climax. He got worried, stopped and asked, "Are you okay?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 839

You deserved it 8 748

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 414

Yudith 24

Saturday 29 July 2023 19:16

Just tie a scarf over his eyes, then, Problem solved.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 29 July 2023 20:57

This gives new meaning to DUI (Diving Under the Influence).

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 July 2023 16:16

That can be a scary neighborhood! And if he goes there once, you'll be pissed if he doesn't go back.

Yudith 24

Saturday 29 July 2023 19:16

Just tie a scarf over his eyes, then, Problem solved.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Saturday 29 July 2023 20:57

This gives new meaning to DUI (Diving Under the Influence).

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 29 July 2023 23:38

Just as I feared: the comments here are Bush League!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 30 July 2023 2:59

Meh, it's been a long week. I guess it blows unlike OP.

Brightside86 30

Sunday 30 July 2023 1:45

Is the influence acid? If so, a bad trip while going down on someone sounds pretty damn scary.

Keywords

Coworkers Work Dogs Animals Cars Transportation Art Photography Miscellaneous Videos Love Awkward Health Scams My ex Money Sex Family AITA Am I overreacting? Healthy Lifestyle Babies Kids Sleep Mental health Parents Cheating Break-ups Facebook Nice Guys

The Top

Today, I started seeing a new therapist and told him everything that was going on in my life. He asked me if I was suicidal; I said no. He paused and asked me, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 88

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 566

You deserved it 2 707

The Top

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 203

You deserved it 6 701

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 088

You deserved it 3 414

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 985

You deserved it 3 743

Today, my old high school mates organised a dinner hangout so that my recent ex, who is part of our group, could introducing her new boyfriend to us. I was late and the only remaining seat available was next to the new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 291

Today, my mom always forgets to close the cupboards in the kitchen. She's not tall enough to hit her head on them, but I am. I have done so at least a dozen times in the past week. I swear, I'm gonna knock myself out on those cupboards one of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 221

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 991

You deserved it 3 842

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

Same thing different taste

Superfuzz Big Muff

Close but no BJ

Observation

What what?

Overdoing it

Top comments

Comments