Work, Embarrassing and Clothes: Back to black

If you buy expensive clothes you have to be prepared to replace expensive clothes. If I had bought a white jacket and ruined it I would be down a fiver. If you want to spend a lot on clothes fine but this stuff happens. It does still suck but...

Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents ADHD Medication Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob, which I don't normally do because I have a fear of getting hit in the eye. Afterwards, I went to suck a lemon to get the taste out of my mouth. Sure enough, I bit the wrong spot and had lemon juice shoot right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 511

You deserved it 84 244

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 434

You deserved it 46 510

The Top

Today, was my wedding day. We had a beautiful outdoor wedding and everything was going perfectly as planned. That is, until a bird flew over us and left a present right between my boobs. I had to stand at the altar for 30 minutes as bird poop melted in my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 847

You deserved it 5 595

Today, my mother mentioned she thought I was Unit 11, and not the correct Unit 1, in my building. I then remembered my last anonymous Valentine’s Day card was addressed to me, but at Unit 11. So my “Secret Admirer” of many years is actually my mother taking pity on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 115

Today, I found out the hard way that my girlfriend lied about being on the pill four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 021

You deserved it 8 344

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 210

You deserved it 3 812

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 144

Today, my fiancée woke up from a nightmare where I cheated on her. She has so far successfully gotten into my personal and work e-mails, and all my social media. I'm not sure if I'm worse at picking a wife or at picking passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 090

You deserved it 2 977