Intimacy: Break up

Break up

By natrat222 - 26/11/2019 20:00 - United States - Mesa

Today, I decided to eat a whole tub of blueberries before seeing a guy I've been hooked up with for a year and a half. While giving a blow job, I ended throwing up the blueberries right before he came. He left immediately, deleted me on Snapchat and told me I need to get checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 636

You deserved it 1 128

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By UUUGHHH - 05/02/2016 20:33 - France - Villejuif

Today, I watched in horror from the other room as my boyfriend picked the biggest, slimiest booger I've ever seen, then lowered it into his mouth, and licked his finger clean. I very nearly threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 168

You deserved it 2 718

By Anonymous - 28/11/2017 15:00

Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 147

You deserved it 588

Seduction technique

By BlueBirdWings - 06/03/2012 07:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 788

You deserved it 6 804

My love language is…

By BlueBirdWings - 31/05/2019 02:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 320

Classy

By dontask - 01/10/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, the guy I've been crushing on for years and I finally went on a date. While on the date, he threw up in my purse and stuck tampons up his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 428

Wicked game

By Hellohaileyexoh - 27/08/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I went to get food. I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and all of a sudden it got hard to breathe. I realized it was a blueberry muffin, and I'm deathly allergic to blueberries. I looked at my friend, and she was laughing, saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 154

You deserved it 5 911

Bad timing

By oh no - 29/01/2013 14:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 494

You deserved it 3 465

By TLJ321 - 18/05/2012 07:41

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 613

You deserved it 58 899

Empathy bypass

By Jason - 17/04/2020 02:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my bulimia to my girlfriend of three months. It's a touchy subject for me and I ended up in tears. When I was done talking, I looked up to see my girlfriend's disgusted face. She claimed I had a 'vomit fetish', said I was 'half a man' and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 662

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 998

You deserved it 3 819

C8H18 33

Friday 8 July 2016 7:48

Eating a lot right before doing something that has a high chance of making you gag? Ya, you deserve that one.

iamdman 22

Friday 8 July 2016 6:13

Yeah I would agree your life sucks. Try not to get too blue. Stiff upper lip and all that. Have to swallow your pride and move on. Ok I getting on my own nerves with my puns now.

Comments

LostSoul 19

Tuesday 26 November 2019 21:51

What size of tub? If you getting suck scares him off, run away fast. God forbid this guy has kids or gets a pet.

mfranks19891989 10

Tuesday 26 November 2019 22:51

Wow I was expecting you to get diarrhea and have an accident while having sex not sure which is worse. Why the hell did you get a tub of blueberries before sex.

Sinshine 28

Tuesday 26 November 2019 23:20

Ok so what is up with all the ancient FMLs being listed as new ones?

BurnInDemonFire 34

Wednesday 27 November 2019 14:12

No idea. We're five weeks from 2020, and they're posting from 3 1/2 years ago. Maybe Alan's gone rogue.

Gubbon 17

Wednesday 27 November 2019 15:57

Lack of original content.

E2dav 5

Wednesday 27 November 2019 0:34

That's a bit extreme of him. Could just give you a pass & try again next time. Oh well, time to find another hook up

ftpallday666 16

Wednesday 27 November 2019 4:09

**** that asshole!! He’s lucky you went so far into your gag reflex. Shit like this happens. **** that dude, get someone you deserve.

BlueSteele220 31

Wednesday 27 November 2019 11:47

don't you mean grindr?

indienerdgirl 27

Wednesday 27 November 2019 23:21

Who the **** eats a whole tub of blue berries??? A whole tub! Who does that when you know you're gonna be sucking dick? You deserve this one

maiyapapaiya13 9

Saturday 30 November 2019 1:13

That happened to me after Taco Bell And started crying but my boyfriend told me that he still loved me And that it doesn’t change anything now it is 9 months later and we are expecting a baby in 8 weeks and we are still perfectly fine.