Valentine's slay, Engagement-phobic and Love: Classic Jeff

Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 963

You deserved it 1 559

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 526

You deserved it 4 718

Duh…

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 02:53 - Canada

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 081

You deserved it 4 186

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 241

You deserved it 93 788

By Anonymous - 04/08/2012 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 885

You deserved it 2 247

By thefailure - 02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 163

You deserved it 16 711

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 397

You deserved it 25 955

The show must go on!

By Stuckwiththebill - 28/01/2018 01:30

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 638

You deserved it 438

By shades - 09/01/2012 03:43 - United Kingdom

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 383

You deserved it 3 426

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 800

You deserved it 5 013

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 22:29 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 153

You deserved it 30 368

Andrew Dutch Beebe 6

Thursday 2 February 2017 18:15

That was a good idea.

infinitemonkey 21

Thursday 2 February 2017 18:22

Saying something funny and offensive would be bad. But saying something that isn't even funny...how drunk was he?

Comments

TOPsCinderella 25

Thursday 2 February 2017 20:53

F your life indeed; your husband can't even quote Family Guy correctly! He should've said testicles.

loucypher 2

Thursday 2 February 2017 21:11

You knew what he was like before you married him, your fault.

kernelkat 16

Thursday 2 February 2017 21:37

I hope he is very young.

Catdragon 40

Thursday 2 February 2017 22:16

Well hey at least he didn't wait until the room got silent and then fart. That's what I did one day.

RogenP 8

Thursday 2 February 2017 22:18

Family Guy fan?

Bearsmomma 30

Friday 3 February 2017 2:54

You picked him. YDI

sousaphonist 14

Friday 3 February 2017 3:11

You married Peter Griffin, good job

MissMizery 19

Friday 3 February 2017 3:18

He watches too much family guy. Take him for more walks.

Wickedwildjoker6 2

Saturday 4 February 2017 2:29

You know too much about Family Guy. Somebody needs to take you for more walks.

xx000o 27

Friday 3 February 2017 12:02

What a dick head.

writerchic85 25

Friday 3 February 2017 12:38

Did you marry Peter Griffin?

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I started seeing a new therapist and told him everything that was going on in my life. He asked me if I was suicidal; I said no. He paused and asked me, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 88

Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 179

The Top

Today, my girlfriend asked if I could somehow get uncircumcised so I could add an inch to my length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 029

You deserved it 491

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be wise to joke that we needed to postpone our reunion for another week. We haven't seen each other for almost 4 months, due to events out of our control. He thinks he's funny. He'll get punched when we do see each other again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 1 217

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 12 786

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 405

You deserved it 4 224

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 5 217

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 416

You deserved it 3 743

Classic Jeff

Same thing different taste

Duh…

The show must go on!

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