Valentine's slay, Engagement-phobic and Love: Classic Jeff

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Classic Jeff

By Anonymous - 02/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Peru

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 972

You deserved it 1 565

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 19:01 - United States

Today, at my wedding reception, my father began his speech with "Well, I never, ever thought that this day would come," at which point the entire room, including my new husband, broke into a round of enthusiastic applause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 532

You deserved it 4 725

Duh…

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 02:53 - Canada

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 091

You deserved it 4 192

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 246

You deserved it 93 820

By Anonymous - 04/08/2012 06:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, it was my wedding day. When my soon-to-be-husband was saying his vows, he didn't say my name. He said his mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 899

You deserved it 2 251

By thefailure - 02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 172

You deserved it 16 713

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 417

You deserved it 25 970

The show must go on!

By Stuckwiththebill - 28/01/2018 01:30

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 674

You deserved it 440

By shades - 09/01/2012 03:43 - United Kingdom

Today, at our wedding reception my new father-in-law gave his speech, saying his little girl was too good for me. Everyone, including my parents, agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 3 427

By jacey chreyest - 14/02/2014 21:57 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 820

You deserved it 5 019

Tough crowd

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband and I, for a laugh, did our first dance to LMFAO's "I'm sexy and I know it" with stupid moves and everything. 200 guests. Nobody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 483

You deserved it 30 697

Andrew Dutch Beebe 6

Thursday 2 February 2017 18:15

That was a good idea.

infinitemonkey 21

Thursday 2 February 2017 18:22

Saying something funny and offensive would be bad. But saying something that isn't even funny...how drunk was he?

Comments

JadedDreamer99 1

Friday 3 February 2017 15:47

Best wedding toast ever.I would die laugh if my husband would do this. But that's are humour.

JadedDreamer99 1

Friday 3 February 2017 15:47

Best wedding toast ever.I would die laugh if my husband would do this. But that's are humour.

alecarodri 1

Friday 3 February 2017 21:18

He's a keeper (you probably know that now haha)

jcash52426 5

Friday 3 February 2017 21:32

You should have gotten up after and said my penis is bigger then his

alicat089 18

Friday 3 February 2017 22:53

your husband is wrong! the correct quote is "testicles. that is all"

Globrorey 3

Saturday 4 February 2017 5:34

Well, freedom of speech and all, I'm surprised you're not happy about him saying that.

IrishRover82 0

Saturday 4 February 2017 20:42

I think I want to be friends with your husband.

honeyleee 15

Saturday 4 February 2017 21:45

I think you got a keeper

SilentSin 23

Saturday 4 February 2017 21:51

Family Guy anyone?

nickfraser98 11

Monday 6 February 2017 19:58

Legend.

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The Top

Today, after years struggling with obesity, alcoholism, and mental illness, I finally decided I'd fixed myself up enough to try dating. The first girl I went out with said, "You're 31 and you've never dated? Sorry to break it to you, but nobody's going to want to walk a 31-year-old through Dating 101." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 212

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 754

You deserved it 317

The Top

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 386

You deserved it 2 572

Today, I was at lunch in a Mexican place and my earbud started to slip from my ear. No big deal, I moved my hand to catch it. Catch it in the open tortilla I just spread guacamole and sour cream on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 736

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 172

Today, I remembered that I have a mood tracker my therapist gave me that I haven't filled out. Because I wasn't in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 416

Today, I got a red light camera ticket for $100 in the mail. After checking the date and time, I realized it was from when I was rear ended into the intersection while STOPPED at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 767

You deserved it 2 368

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 836

You deserved it 886