Alcohol and Miscellaneous: Denial

Denial

By Andre - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 32 414

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Same thing different taste

It's all my fault

By Anonymous - 18/08/2011 07:42 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 052

You deserved it 39 419

By Cpt_Concerned - 22/09/2009 04:37 - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 429

You deserved it 52 600

By ash - 25/08/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 105

You deserved it 41 834

By shelby - 30/03/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 27 362

By mindlost - 07/01/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 262

You deserved it 29 460

By Wino - 05/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 787

You deserved it 34 550

By foxfur - 14/07/2016 12:21 - United States - Williamstown

Today, my drinking habit hit a new low when I waited almost an hour to go to the liquor store after it opened because I didn't want to seem desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 719

You deserved it 3 951

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 407

By talker - 14/11/2012 06:14 - United States - Middletown

Today, I discovered both how much I really talk to myself when I'm drinking alone and how thin the walls of my apartment are. I heard my own slurred voice coming from my neighbor's apartment. They had recorded me and made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 551

You deserved it 23 039

Staircase wit at the checkout

By Anonymous - 21/10/2024 16:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 444

Doortje 29

Monday 16 May 2011 12:10

Well, acknowledging you have a problem is the first step..

FunnyGuy5051 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

I think they thought you were more drunk than pathetic

Comments

bobersbugs 2

Saturday 27 April 2024 6:16

lmao do a CAGE assessment on yourself if you truly want an eye opener

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 257

You deserved it 17 461

Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me, demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 338

You deserved it 19 746

The Top

Today, I was yelled at and beaten up for staring at a woman’s breasts. My medication causes me to stare off into space and I didn’t even realize I was staring at another person until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 185

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 889

You deserved it 7 259

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 013

You deserved it 19 454

Today, after being years of being told that it's a pipe dream and that I can't do it, I finally qualified for my unconventional dream job, competing with almost 100k people, only to find out during the medical exam that as I have epilepsy, I'm unfit for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 104

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 267

You deserved it 2 244

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 382

You deserved it 3 232