Sex and Intimacy: Do not attempt this at home

Do not attempt this at home

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 760

You deserved it 37 208

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonyme - 27/03/2015 09:50 - France - Laill

Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 3 483

Relax

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 00:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 110

It's the thought that counts

By Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 569

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 326

You deserved it 10 515

Painful relief

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:25 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 566

You deserved it 3 403

By katie - 23/08/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 3 981

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 691

You deserved it 12 063

Modern warfare

By Anonymous - 19/02/2022 01:59

Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 204

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 6 871

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 644

You deserved it 6 606

bethrh 49

Tuesday 1 April 2014 14:49

There must have been a lot of chemistry.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 1 April 2014 14:53

Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*

Comments

Narttu 20

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:21

You totally deserve this for letting him do it. Nothing but clean water, tampons, fingers and penises should go near your ******. Not even soap unless your gynaecologist tells you to use it. I kind of hope you get thrush or something equally irritating as a result, serves you right for being so stupid.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:26

What about a tongue? ;D

amisenho 11

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:41

What about toys? ;D

Narttu 20

Tuesday 1 April 2014 19:32

Forgot about tongue and toys!

reaxion 25

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:24

Inventive and creative? Absolutely! A smart idea? Not so much. Lots of chemicals in those things, so I hope your hoohah doesn't suffer too much.

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:37

Your husband was trying to turn you into a giant margarita? Bad idea all around

MissMarjori3 10

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:39

I don't see why you'd let him do that. It was clearly a bad idea beforehand.

damnit1989 16

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:42

Is have to say YDI for letting him put them there.... That cannot be healthy

aruden 25

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:44

I don't see why everyone thinks the husband is the moron, she deserves it because she had to have consented to that idea thinking it would work.

Rianokami 22

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:44

... what? WHY?

ahsanmasood 4

Tuesday 1 April 2014 15:48

what???? why would he do that???? why would you let him do that?

daisyflame 8

Tuesday 1 April 2014 16:01

May I suggest a trip to a sex store next time to "spice it up" OP...bath salts in the Va-JJ????? What were you thinking?! Or should I say...why weren't YOU thinking?