Miscellaneous and Relatable: Fake it til you make it

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to sound like I had my life together by bragging to a friend about how I meal prep every week. In reality, I’m sitting here eating a cold slice of pizza for lunch that I found in the back of my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 542

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Same thing different taste

Don't believe the hype

By Anonymous - 14/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I was hyping myself up to work out after weeks of being a lazy slob. I slapped my workout gear on, got my Spotify playlist ready, and just as I was about to start, my friend texted me asking if I wanted pizza. I’m now in my workout clothes, eating pizza on his couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 469

Coach Class

By GetFuzzy - 18/10/2019 12:00

Today, I was on the phone with my diet coach. I was telling her how I lost 3 pounds this week. I was saying this while eating a bag of chips, a beer in my hand and cooking a 3-meat pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 2 062

By ice4eva - 21/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was eating pizza and I started bitching about how our campus doesn't have any healthy food choices, and that I was forced to eat this disgusting, greasy pizza. My friend then pointed out that I was standing next to the salad bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 3 555

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 259

You deserved it 36 944

Uh oh…

By Klingon - 04/07/2024 16:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I woke up late and in a rush, I grabbed what I thought was a container of leftover spaghetti from the refrigerator to take to work. At lunch, I opened it to find it wasn't spaghetti, but raw marinated chicken my roommate had prepped for dinner. I ended up eating a vending machine sandwich that tasted like cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 23:03 - United States - Chester

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 943

You deserved it 9 764

By sunshine19217 - 18/01/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, I took the time to make myself look nice just so that the pizza guy would think I had a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 516

You deserved it 8 707

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 21/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I was trying out a new pizza recipe that I saw online. I made the dough, spread the sauce, and added my toppings. As I was about to put it in the oven, I realized I'd forgotten to preheat it. No big deal, or so I thought. I then knocked the entire fucking uncooked pizza face-first onto the kitchen floor. The dog ate better than I did tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 162

By welp - 28/10/2015 04:11 - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 735

You deserved it 3 621

By NevertheKool - 07/05/2015 21:43 - United States - Union City

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza, and ended up falling asleep on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 763

You deserved it 28 049

Yudith 24

Monday 11 November 2024 18:46

To be fair, there's only a slight difference between meal prep and eating pizza five days in a row.

Comments

Yudith 24

Monday 11 November 2024 18:46

To be fair, there's only a slight difference between meal prep and eating pizza five days in a row.

Keywords

Animals Cats Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Work Love Boredom Anniversary Abuse Intimacy Ironic Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation Parents Gun control Kids Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Delivery Miscellaneous Food Family

The Top

Today, my wife texted me, saying an expensive piece of furniture had been delivered. I specifically said, "Wait until I get home and we'll put it together." An hour later, she opened it and broke it beyond repair while trying to assemble it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 94

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 22 717

The Top

Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 331

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 773

You deserved it 13 694

Today, I was taking the bus back to my university campus, having left work early feeling sick. While on the bus I started retching. I managed to hold it in for a while, but as I stood up to get off the bus, I started puking through my mouth and nose. This was in front of twenty other passengers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 227

You deserved it 2 998

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 289

You deserved it 4 539

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 678

You deserved it 2 809

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 289