Food, Insulting and Miscellaneous: Fighting talk

Fighting talk

By dempasi - 06/05/2016 18:51 - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 653

You deserved it 2 546

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Same thing different taste

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 04:07 - United States

Today, while cooking with my girlfriend, I thought it would be funny to slap her with a raw porkchop. She thought it would be funny to throw the hot cooking grease on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 420

You deserved it 54 849

By LonelyPorkChop - 18/12/2013 09:30 - Australia

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 044

You deserved it 8 761

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 3 006

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 20:55 - United States

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 756

You deserved it 12 840

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I was dissecting a pig for my anatomy class. The smell of four day-old dead pig caused me to faint. My mom drove me home and warmed me up some left overs for lunch. It was pork chops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 4 359

Sore loser

By Anonymous - 14/03/2013 02:15 - Australia - Picton

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 041

You deserved it 5 879

Just joking, dude!

By spacemanspiff78 - 31/10/2011 15:07

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 4 226

Thanks…

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 196

You deserved it 3 954

By wmkaz - 21/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 184

You deserved it 5 036

BoxFullOfLazy 25

Saturday 7 May 2016 7:59

People need to learn to mind their own business.

jeffprobs 29

Saturday 7 May 2016 8:07

That's because it was funny, yes it's rude and I'm sorry it happened to you. But it's like a fall, it hurts the person who falls but it is still funny. If you were a comedian and you told me this happened to you, you would expect laughter.

Comments

rikkirauha 20

Sunday 8 May 2016 4:31

People really need to learn to keep comments to themselves. Everyone has an opinion, but everyone can choose to stay quiet instead of being an inconsiderate jerk. Sorry for the crude comment, OP, and although your wife laughing may have been rude as well, try to understand that she didn't mean any disrespect. Forget about it, get over it, and get on with your life :)

MajesticRacoon 7

Sunday 8 May 2016 8:05

I guarantee the 1538 people that said you deserved it were vegans.

Catdragon 40

Sunday 8 May 2016 21:33

I think the only really crazy person here is you. Please don't rePRODUCE

mr_dour 16

Monday 9 May 2016 20:13

Damn OP you should've fired back with something witty like, "whatever you say, skeletor."

8djht8 19

Monday 9 May 2016 21:20

Quit being such a fat pig you cannibal. Most Cannibals say pig is the closest to human so.... Let's just call you Officer Lector.

wutman 7

Saturday 14 May 2016 18:01

If it upsets you so much, take steps to change yourself to become the person you want to be. The Human condition should not involve stagnation, so go out and change for the better! That, and talk to your wife.