Miscellaneous, Cats and Scary: Freaked out - FML

Freaked out

By DomesticPatrol - 04/12/2024 17:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 659

You deserved it 1 775

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Same thing different taste

Scaredy cat

By amazinghermit - 25/11/2014 04:21 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 6 579

Red alert

By Life With Cats - 15/08/2022 22:00

Today, I kept hearing big *THUD* sounds across the house. The first few times, I didn't think anything of it. But after several more times, I started to suspect there was an intruder. After sneaking through the house, ready to knock out whomever was there, I found out it was my cat pushing things off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 244

Choose your fighter

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 474

Caught

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:47 - United States - Apollo

Today, I woke up to noises in my living room. I was scared, but I loaded my gun and snuck downstairs. I burst into the living room, yelled for the motherfucker robbing me to put his hands up, and flicked on the light. My cat stared back at me like I was a moron then calmly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 616

You deserved it 7 922

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 734

You deserved it 5 812

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 14:41 - Australia - Edgecliff

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 2 895

By Sarah1330 - 25/02/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 408

You deserved it 3 346

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 1 278

Freaked out

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Hightstown

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 12 870

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 436

Next

Top comments

Heteroscodra 8

Saturday 7 January 2017 11:33

<p>Is the hammer for the cat or the floorboard? It's important. </p>

sasquatchius 3

Saturday 7 January 2017 12:26

<p>Not gonna lie I'd fall back asleep then get killed by the murderer you clearly scared off. </p>

Comments

poprocker11221 10

Saturday 7 January 2017 9:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

daniel271 13

Saturday 7 January 2017 9:26

Sounds like a episode plot for a show

Heteroscodra 8

Saturday 7 January 2017 11:33

<p>Is the hammer for the cat or the floorboard? It's important. </p>

sasquatchius 3

Saturday 7 January 2017 12:26

<p>Not gonna lie I'd fall back asleep then get killed by the murderer you clearly scared off. </p>

caliguy08 17

Saturday 7 January 2017 15:13

It serves two purposes... you can kill/injure intruders or kill that squeaky floor board

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 7 January 2017 15:55

What do they call 2 am in London? Hammer time! Do-do-do-do Do-do Do-do Can't touch dis!

Emmereen 29

Saturday 7 January 2017 18:24

<p>Sorry, OP. My cats have done similar things. I know it's them, my brain doesn't shut up until I check.</p>

species4872 19

Saturday 7 January 2017 18:31

<p> Must be a ******* fat cat.</p>

xxmollyxx 25

Saturday 7 January 2017 19:15

Well, ****.

cacheson 41

Saturday 7 January 2017 19:28

I feel like you're freaking out a very large amount for one tiny creak. So, what's the underlying issue?

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The Top

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 112

You deserved it 5 918

Today, I bought my fiancée a dress for her birthday. She accused me of saying she was fat, because I bought it in medium rather than small. After trying on the dress, she's now not only mad at me for buying it, but also because the dress fits perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 405

You deserved it 4 549

The Top

Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 755

You deserved it 3 256

Today, my friend beat me at a video game. He got smug, so I made an "I fucked your mom" style joke. Yeah, kina forgot for a minute that his mom died last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 273

Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 811

You deserved it 4 239

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 923

You deserved it 3 593

Today, my husband got me a birthstone bracelet for my birthday. I open the box and it’s a Ruby bracelet - July birthday. I was supposed to have a Pink Tourmaline bracelet since I have an October birthday. Turns out he confused me with the skank he’s banging. Her birthday's in July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 222

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year-old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 897

You deserved it 43 672