Intimacy: Great chat! - FML

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 236

You deserved it 96 461

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Same thing different taste

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 526

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 501

You deserved it 11 071

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 736

You deserved it 15 210

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 794

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 601

By annonymous - 07/09/2015 20:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, while at a neighborhood party, my drunk mother told all our neighbors, including a girl I like, about my struggles with a micropenis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 877

You deserved it 2 432

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 288

You deserved it 2 451

By ikungfuyou - 27/12/2011 07:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, despite being 21 years old and living in my own place, my mom still managed to walk in on me whacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 726

You deserved it 10 244

By ShadowJack - 29/04/2012 15:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 486

You deserved it 9 785

Next

Top comments

X_o_X_ocutie 0

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

u were talking to your dick, Why?

MrNiceGuy518 3

Wednesday 16 March 2011 11:57

-insert clever penis joke here-

Comments

LanaBabii252 0

Friday 18 March 2011 9:05

motivational speech?

tnglator 4

Friday 18 March 2011 9:08

anyone else see the irony in 324's post?

brittanyyyleighh 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 3:33

congradulations! your post managed to make it into the phone call I just had? I've been laughing ever since my friend read it to me. (: then I found it, and I'm still laughing. thanks for putting a smile on my face!

DelPiero10 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 8:54

wierdo

jessicajellybean 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 10:00

lol! awkward.... and creepy? don't have any friends so you turn towards good ol' dick... nice

kaylala33 1

Saturday 19 March 2011 19:39

You should have said Sorry, its a long story...

kaylala33 1

Saturday 19 March 2011 19:42

Oh, and I hope she didn't give you a hard time about it x]

tabasorus 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 20:41

what were you talking about?

RyanMacVey 17

Saturday 19 March 2011 20:46

aww dont worry mate... ive done that before

Evangeline1 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 21:10

YDI, if you wanted some" alone time" then you should have locked the door

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Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Love Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward

The Top

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 145

You deserved it 7 104

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 354

You deserved it 2 792

Today, my psychotic ex-boyfriend hit a brand new low. I was served court papers, saying that he’s suing me by demanding I give him a paternity test for my daughter. He’s also telling everyone he’s her real father. He and I were broken up for more than a year before I even got pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 112

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 113

Today, my son, who has ASD, told a woman how gigantic her butt was. While trying to remind him that some things are not nice to say, he screamed that her butt is the "giantest butt ever," like it was an accomplishment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 201

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 128

Today, I celebrated my birthday. By that, I mean I spent most of the day alone in a field, waiting for my boyfriend to have time for me, then we broke up, and I ended up spending the evening crying alone on a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 132