Dogs and Love: Hold me close - FML

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 127

You deserved it 6 758

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Same thing different taste

He prefers the dog

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 999

You deserved it 370

By Brinty - 16/09/2009 02:43 - Australia

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 682

You deserved it 4 563

By Anonymous - 21/05/2011 21:29 - Denmark

Today, I woke up, rolled over, and kissed the boy who was peacefully sleeping next to me, cheerfully saying, "Good morning, baby!" That boy is my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 420

You deserved it 34 831

By meow - 14/01/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 771

You deserved it 4 494

Dogs rule

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 458

You deserved it 3 604

Serial killer vibes

By D Flower - 18/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making the bed, at 2 AM. And he wasn't so much making the bed as he was holding a pillow while lost in thought, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 115

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 440

You deserved it 4 559

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 19:10 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 062

You deserved it 4 778

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 217

Next

Top comments

sarah2144 14

Monday 28 September 2009 23:14

LOL. Was the dog cute?

EChan 1

Monday 28 September 2009 23:42

He's probably slept with the dog longer than he's known you. So he's probably doing it out of habit. Neither FML or YDI.

Comments

Czech_Zidane 14

Friday 1 March 2013 21:10

If my gf would let her dog in our bed, she would be soon-to-be-ex.

lukecallidus 2

Thursday 12 December 2013 13:41

Tip: Don't get between him and his dog...you will soon be his ex if you do.

SexyMexi21 23

Saturday 7 June 2014 22:11

Dogs before h*es!

mewtwonow 24

Tuesday 25 November 2014 8:07

Be the bitch

bigred6693 12

Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:35

He's probably just used to sleeping with his dog, and he was asleep...

wolfenstein42 1

Tuesday 20 December 2016 1:22

Well, I can't blame him...

DarianM 18

Monday 26 December 2016 13:26

TBH, I'd probably do the same thing. If the dog blesses you with its presence, than you've got to cuddle it. It's the law

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The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 023

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 715

The Top

Today, after months of planning, I finally got my first tattoo: my cat's paw print. I love it so I showed my friends pictures. One said it looks like poop and the other said it looks like I have a disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 496

You deserved it 1 040

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 027

You deserved it 5 302

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 664

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 195

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 707

You deserved it 5 612

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my boss's van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 4 873