We're both of you clear on the purpose of the retreat? Often times lack of clear communication can result in individual interpretations that don't line up. For example, you may have phrased it as an opportunity to be free of the kids, and your wife may have seen it as a chance to get things done (in this case for the kids) without having to worry about your kids.

Yes, it really doesn't sound like your wife understands what a marriage retreat is about. The most successful marriage is one where you put your spouse first. you have to have that foundation to build a family on. Unfortunately too many people think of, and put, their kids first.

Why don't you go with them? Maybe spend some quality bonding time with everyone and also give yourself the chance to talk to your wife about what you were hoping to get out of the retreat while kids are trying things on in the dressing room. As opposed to just staying home, isolating and feeling sorry for yourself.

Maybe you can hook up with a lady who is also at the "marriage retreat" and is similarly frustrated with her husband. That'd teach both of them a lesson!

Well why didn't you just go with her? Just because it's not your ideal activity doesn't mean she wouldn't enjoy your company.

Winner, winner chicken dinner!

I can almost guarantee that if you hold your hand and purse and tell her she looks good in stuff and be engaged with what she wants to be doing YOU WILL GET LAID.

Sounds like she might be having some anxiety about being away from the kids. Maybe she could trying calling them in the morning and afternoon/night, and dedicate only that time to them while the vacation is on going. Otherwise... plan something and take her somewhere with a "don't think about the kids" rule.

How do you shop for shoes for someone else if they're not there to try the shoes on? Sounds like she's avoiding you. You don't need a marriage retreat, you need a marriage counselor.