Allergies

Don't do drugs, kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 937

You deserved it 3 587

Skincare

By Anonymous - 04/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, months after a severe poison ivy rash, I have learned that I now have a very intense poison ivy allergy. As in, any exposure to poison ivy at all will cause my face, hands, thighs, and groin to swell up and itch madly for up to a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 69

No fun

By Ed. - 04/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom - Stoke Newington

Today, I got back the results of an allergy test I decided to get because I felt generally tired after meals. Turns out that I'm allergic to, among other things, meat (yep, is a thing), nuts (of course), milk, egg, rice, carrot, apple, yeast (as in bread), and even soy. Seems I'm allergic to… food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 88

Impressive

By Kris - 27/07/2024 12:00 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I tried to blow my girlfriend's vegan parents minds by cooking them a tofu stir-fry. Being allergic to tofu but wanting to prove my cooking skills, I wore gloves and avoided touching my face. Somehow, I still managed to get it in my eye, causing an allergic reaction that made my face swell up like a balloon. Now her parents think I'm some sort of Martian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 417

A living meme

By Neck - 15/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I learned that I'm not crazy and my neck is actually swollen, albeit due to seasonal allergies and not something very serious. I feel like the "Wide Neck Mugshot" guy, only much more lame. I can't describe how uncomfortable it is, other than it feels like something's trying to break out of there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 72

Toot toot!

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a massive sneeze while driving. It was so strong that I swerved and accidentally hit the horn, startling the person crossing the street. They dropped their coffee all over themselves and their phone. I ended up giving them cash for a new phone out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 258

New addiction just dropped

By Never going outside again - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out about allergies suddenly getting worse out of nowhere when it happened to mine. I can hardly step outside without feeling like hell when I get back home, which was never the case before, and I'm going through allergy medicine like a drug addict (almost). FML

I agree, your life sucks 343

You deserved it 54

'tis the season!

By Bleh ;-; - 13/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'm going on three weeks of unexplainable and minor, but noticeable ailments. The doctor says it's just my seasonal allergies acting up a ton, which was somewhat comforting, but it just won't stop, even when I remain indoors. I'm otherwise a very healthy person, so I think I have a reason to be worried now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 99

Got milk?

By IHaveNoIdea - 10/06/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, a customer asked if our milkshake flavourings contained dairy. I had no idea, and it seems the manufacturer assumes milkshakes will contain milk, so didn't state on any of the bottles that they were dairy-free. I had to google every obscure number in the ingredient list to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 132

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 138

Suckerpunched

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the imperial fist of spring allergies knocked me flat on my ass. The time I was going to spend at the outdoor concert I paid $80 for was instead spent in my car, driving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 3 166

It's getting hott in here

By Burning Love - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 624

You deserved it 5 461

Demon child

By PeanutlyDisabled - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 792

You deserved it 3 393

Caturday surprise!

By Cats...FML - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 610

You deserved it 3 424

That's nuts

By Anonymous - 02/10/2023 14:00

Today, while stressing about our third date, which I had planned to be third date sex night, I binge-ate a bag of peanuts. When he picked me up, the first thing I did was kiss him. He asked me why he could taste peanuts. He never told me he’s allergic. Sex night turned into hospital night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 605

You deserved it 186

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 130

ESP like… telepathic?

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 17:02 - United States - Chicago

Today, I'm tired, on Benadryl, temporarily moved into my mom’s house because my roommate chose to get an ESP dog who sheds, even though I told them I'm anaphylactic crazy allergic. They won’t get rid of the dog and I can’t afford to break the lease. I'm also flunking all my classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 150

Juicy

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 18:00

Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 136

Self report

By sore tongue - 01/07/2023 06:00

Today, despite knowing full well that I am allergic to citric acid, I bought and ate candy that is essentially just powdered and flavoured citric acid. Now my tongue is too swollen and painful to eat. I’m a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 1 297

Spoilsport

By fuck it - 31/05/2023 15:00

Today, my coworkers are giving me the cold shoulder since the idea of having “office dogs” or allowing employees to bring their dogs to work with them was shot down due to my severe allergies. I shouldn’t be forced to take meds unnecessarily just to be able to come do my job. They don’t care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 339

Bad day

By it hurts!! - 29/05/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I double checked with the barista to make sure my latte had soy milk. After a few sips, I could tell it wasn’t but it was too late. I’m so sensitive to dairy, I spent the rest of my work day trying to stifle the gut busting cramps and noxious fumes. I had a meeting I couldn’t reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 163

My body hates me

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, like many other days before, my allergies decided, "screw you, you're dealing with me year round, no allergy medicine will keep me away, and you're going to break out in sneezing fits at the worst possible moments, which includes while you're driving on the highway." Shocking that I haven't been in a wreck yet, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 113

Read the room

By Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 133

Weird parenting

By wow - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that I'm not really allergic to chocolate. My parents made it up when I was a child because they didn't want me to get fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 656

You deserved it 4 588

It's still out there

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 22:00 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I got tons of sympathy (and hugs) from my co-workers after intense sneezing and coughing due to my "seasonal allergies." When I got home, my SO asked if allergies are contagious, because he had them too. He didn't have allergies. We have Covid. And so do most of my co-workers now. I suck! FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 066

Extreme reaction

By KCS - 04/03/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered I'm allergic to the new perfume I bought and now I smell like a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 149

Mystery time

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 18/01/2023 22:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, my girlfriend has cats that live in my garage because I'm so horribly allergic to them. She went in the garage a while ago with power tools to do something simple. There has been a fair bit of noise and commotion in there. Part of me is happy that my girlfriend is trying to be handy, but I'm mostly worried about what could be going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 300

Pudding?

By Cake - 12/01/2023 14:00

Today, my mom made my favorite dessert, a pudding. For some reason, she decided to put strawberries in it. She knows I’m allergic to strawberries. She said, “Stop bitching. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it then. Problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 153

Escape from Hell

By BleedingEarsHungryStomach - 31/12/2022 00:00

Today, my flight home was delayed, then cancelled. I've been hiding in the bathroom for almost an hour, just to get a break from my mom's endless stream of celebrity gossip and every other thought that comes into her head, all while she cooks delicious food that I can no longer eat due to severe allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 171

The blob

By Dodged a bullet - 25/11/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 215

Keywords

Miscellaneous Insects Gross Cute Neighbours Kids Love Proposal Awkward Health Amazon Relatable Hair Delivery Scary Allergies Animals Dogs Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital Vacation Engagement ring AITA Social Media Facebook Money Scams

The Top

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. He says he can’t be with someone who doesn’t love his dog as much as he does. I told him that I have absolutely no problem with the dog being in the room, but it makes me uncomfortable when the dog is on the bed while we have sex. Apparently, that’s unreasonable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 152

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 88

The Top

Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 171

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 746

You deserved it 3 220

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 902

You deserved it 2 882

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 345

You deserved it 7 342

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 403

You deserved it 7 331

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 813

You deserved it 2 857