Dreams, Wanker Intimacy I'm so hot and lonely

I'm so hot and lonely

lonely dreams - 01/01/2013 17:26 - United States - Reno

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Get it on, bang a gong

DrySpellcaster - 07/10/2020 16:57

Today, it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, even my wet dreams are about doing it solo. FML

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damnit - 16/10/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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One track mind

Anonymous - 29/05/2023 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML

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Inactive

inbogota - 06/03/2021 15:30 - Colombia

Today, I had the most action in months when I woke up to a wet dream. I'm married, I guess that tells you all about my sex life. FML

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Helping hand

Anonymous - 30/06/2020 02:02

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

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Cranking

Anonymous - 21/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Corvallis

Today, I cried while masturbating because I genuinely couldn't think of a single person that would fuck me in real life. FML

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Anonymous - 17/02/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

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Anyone can be a 7 if you try hard enough

Anonymous - 23/09/2022 04:00

Today, I had a very nice, long, and pleasant dream about having a girlfriend for the first time since 2010, and then I woke up. I'm right about myself, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, and there's no point in trying to change that. FML

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margelover - 11/10/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

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No kinkshaming on FML

Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

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Welshite 39

Tuesday 1 January 2013 22:44

Forever alone.

ICastillo 24

Tuesday 1 January 2013 22:55

Well your hand will never let you down or cheat on you. It will always be by your side.

dionhart 4

Wednesday 30 January 2013 10:04

Jill doesn't disappoint sir she's got all you need and doesn't complain

tazeegirl 5

Thursday 31 January 2013 0:31

Im a girl and I've had more than one dream like that. But mine have more to them than just doing it. Like being walked in on or something like that.

extos1991 10

Monday 11 February 2013 22:55

you need to get laid like yesterday!!! getting out of bed and off of FML would be a good start.

Aligator67 12

Thursday 7 November 2013 5:55

Well just the other day, I had a dream about some woman inserting a rubber ***** into me. I'm pretty sure I am straight, and definitely a girl.

gingerface81 16

Friday 14 March 2014 6:05

I see these FMLs far too often

an3ph 20

Sunday 11 May 2014 11:26

Been there, doing that.

H3LL_K1D 15

Saturday 26 March 2016 22:57

What about a fleshlight

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to purchase an app to communicate with my ex-wife. She's too stupid to figure out how to unblock me in Hotmail so we can coordinate kid schedules. She is a control freak and regularly blocks/unblocks me depending on the time of the month. FML

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Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says, "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

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Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

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Today, I was awoken at 3am by hotel management to tell me they received complaints about me from every room within 30 yards of mine, including from the floors above and below me. What was my crime? Snoring loud enough to rattle windows on the other side of the building. FML

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Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

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Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

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