Sex, Religion and Intimacy: Jesus wept - FML

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

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By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 150

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 660

You deserved it 9 576

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 4 135

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 2 119

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 273

You deserved it 2 444

By OopsKid - 30/05/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 312

You deserved it 16 543

Next

Top comments

ionelementz112 0

Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

Adam_B 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life FML = Forgive Me Lord Coincidence...?

Comments

michaelscott23 7

Thursday 19 May 2011 8:53

you guys should quit making fun of religions. I'm a Christian and loves my God with all my heart. it's rude and uncalled for wat you guys are saying.

TheAngryKitten 0

Friday 27 May 2011 4:31

the Multi-god Religions have the right idea. I'm Wiccan, so I believe in the MULTIPLE gods and goddesses of Celtic Religion. whoever thinks ONE being can keep watch over all aspects of the universe is a Moron, a Fool, An Imbecile.

PaisanPrincess 0

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:43

I know I'm late to the party, but come on! This isn't that weird or creepy. I can totally see her doing it in an old black lady voice being semi-humorous more than likely. The OP probably just doesn't have the social sense to be able to tell.

GuitarFail123 9

Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:16

wow fail, hav fun in hell

manateelover 0

Sunday 7 August 2011 5:16

see 125, that's the great part about being an atheist. We don't believe in hell so your threats are empty to us.

BloodyMary666 24

Wednesday 31 August 2011 16:44

U should´ve said "It´s okay, I forgive u!" ;) But seriously, that´s creepy.

snoowiez 3

Friday 7 October 2011 5:32

haha...epic

dragonstrike94 8

Tuesday 18 October 2011 5:34

I'm Buddhist so I just come straight back here

Sae_Ghelk 6

Wednesday 2 November 2011 7:22

That's frighteningly good.

Arxikist 3

Wednesday 23 November 2011 5:45

Chuck Norris forgives all.

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Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Students Relatable Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 740

You deserved it 5 265

Today, my son is so naive that he didn’t notice that a company he interviewed for basically used him as free labour during a 3 day “skills assessment period”, after which he didn’t even get the job. Even after I explained to him they'd used him for 3 days free grunt work, he still didn’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 118

The Top

Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 576

You deserved it 3 411

Today, my mother brought my sex life in front of an entire family gathering. I lost my virginity at 17 and when she found out she called me a whore. This time, she told the family I'd slept with 100 men by the time I was 18. I’m 40 and my body count is 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 240

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 486

You deserved it 2 883

Today, my grandmother insisted that Mexicans sacrifice humans every year as part of their Catholic religion. The Swaggart guy on TV said so, and apparently, he can't be wrong, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 712

You deserved it 1 381

Today, my duty manager demanded we close the bar early because she wanted to go home. I was subject to abuse from customers for closing early, then shouted at by the duty manager for not being done. My actual bar manager fired me for closing early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 633

You deserved it 4 188

Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 008

You deserved it 14 100