Sex, Religion and Intimacy: Jesus wept

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 342

You deserved it 7 042

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Same thing different taste

So happy together…

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 150

By churchgoer - 20/03/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 660

You deserved it 9 576

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 4 135

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 11:28 - United States - Manhattan Beach

Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. Now she's threatening to kill herself if I don't forgive her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 2 119

By petmosch - 04/08/2017 00:30

Today, I came up with the idea of pranking my girlfriend by telling her that I knew she was cheating on me. She then apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 273

You deserved it 2 444

By OopsKid - 30/05/2011 18:14 - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 312

You deserved it 16 543

ionelementz112 0

Tuesday 3 February 2009 21:48

You should have said, "I forgive you."

Adam_B 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 11:45

FML = F*** My Life FML = Forgive Me Lord Coincidence...?

Comments

UkuleleMaster 2

Sunday 11 December 2011 21:28

It's weird how FML could also stand for Forgive Me Lord

mobert92 5

Thursday 22 December 2011 11:11

that's pretty funny lol

brekab8 14

Tuesday 27 December 2011 20:40

LOL that's hilarious!..you just made my hour :D

calibabe0321 6

Tuesday 7 February 2012 4:48

Agreed 126

guitarist410 5

Tuesday 12 June 2012 14:33

Bonerkill huh?

Goatsee 1

Wednesday 25 July 2012 5:02

God, that would probably make me so much harder! "Sticking" it to a religious person.

griffdog118 1

Wednesday 7 November 2012 23:42

Forgive me lord=FML :-O

laststitch 2

Thursday 22 November 2012 8:57

shes a keeper dude. churchies are always the freakiest in bed.

Isuckatthis 18

Tuesday 4 December 2012 8:40

Total turn off..

natsaysheyyy 16

Wednesday 13 March 2013 22:36

OMG, LMAO! Hahaha!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I have an HR meeting to discuss my team's performance. This is the same HR that refuses to hire more people because my department is full. The same HR that complains when tasks are completed late due to the team being overworked, yet refuses to take any suggestions. How do you give feedback to people like this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 75

Today, I followed my daughter and found out she wasn’t with friends, she was on a date. I confronted her about the lie, but she takes after her mother, a lawyer, and steamrollered over me about invading her privacy, so even though she lied, she somehow has the moral high ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 2 715

The Top

Today, I received an email from a potential employer with an awesome job opportunity. I was so excited, I immediately went to forward the email to my husband. My email included a lot of "I love you" and "we are going to celebrate tonight ;)". In my excitement, I hit reply instead of forward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 1 977

Today, I was visiting my girlfriend at her house. We heard the door bell ring. She told me to jump out the window thinking it was her dad. I jumped, landed wrong, and got hurt. It turns out we were ding-dong-ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 877

You deserved it 28 295

Today, after sex last night, I'd fallen asleep nude without bothering to put on underwear. What a mistake that was. My cat decided to wake me up by clawing and biting my naked morning wood like she was trying to rip the head off a mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 163

Today, while I was in a very important meeting on Skype, my apartment complex was evacuated due to the fire alarm going off. The reason was that my neighbor put a fork in his microwave due to him being extremely drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 529

You deserved it 1 315

Today, I got a parking ticket because I was too busy singing along to my music to notice that I'd overstayed the time limit on the quick stop parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 951

Today, I graduated from Basic Training. I was really looking forward to seeing my family after being away for almost three months. They decided not to come to graduation because they didn't want to spend the money to travel here. They live 30 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 493

You deserved it 3 809

Jesus wept

Same thing different taste

So happy together…

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