Intimacy: New moves

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 152

You deserved it 8 005

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Same thing different taste

I did a sex

By Anonymous - 17/05/2021 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 1 184

By dontpanic - 21/09/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 498

You deserved it 26 969

By unfucked - 26/08/2012 23:18 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 971

You deserved it 13 757

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 016

You deserved it 7 503

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 957

Date grape

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 245

Waste moment

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 20:00

Today, I went out drinking with my friends and my boyfriend met me there. We decided then to come home and planned an intimate moment. I got on top of him and went to kiss his neck. Next thing I know, I fell asleep right before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 1 349

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 750

You deserved it 20 695

By douglisk1994 - 10/02/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 206

You deserved it 20 251

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 713

You deserved it 26 844

Darkon 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:08

Booby trapped?

FPsLife 5

Saturday 1 August 2009 16:25

And then she had her way with you?

Comments

natasha_tailor 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 17:29

awww

proud_liberal 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 17:30

you and your girlfriend are alcoholics

Sessee 4

Saturday 1 August 2009 17:39

What are you, fifty? That's the way it seems with the way you phrased this shit.

daarlingdamsel 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 17:49

You drunk! (name that TV show :))

Slackness 10

Saturday 1 August 2009 18:17

Pff, fail is you...

plexico 3

Saturday 1 August 2009 18:19

I'm not buying this story. He probably passed out because it was the first time he saw naked female breasts in the flesh. You ought to suggest that your girlfriend take up dating men.

blueworld_fml 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 18:20

Anybody notice how much crazy drunk shit is coming out of Maine these days? I really didn't think Mainers got tipsy or undid each other's bras...

MadeOfAwesome 1

Saturday 1 August 2009 19:16

Why do you think they're called "Mainiacs"? ;D

xClarkGable 0

Saturday 1 August 2009 19:05

Don't have sex while tipsy?

justanotherhuman 21

Saturday 1 August 2009 19:14

Easy FYL. However, no worries Glassjaw. Any of the numerous nerve bundles on the face, when severely interrupted from contact, cause the brain to perform a biological function akin to a lights-out switch that places us unconscious; the means of giving a body time to run a quick diagnostic, and initiate repairs. Disrupt any of these nerve bundles severely enough and you're out like a light. In boxing, as you may well know: it's the glass-jaw hit. Even the hardest and thickest boxer goes down with a proper strike. Just think of your experience as the horny equivalent of a funny bone ding!