Ninjas are everywhere By Nancy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone had cut off half of my ponytail. FML I agree, your life sucks 45 613 You deserved it 4 592 Share Tweet Share
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML I agree, your life sucks 55 482 You deserved it 11 506
Today, I found one of those realistic, expensive sex dolls in my boyfriend's cupboard. I asked why on earth he had that and apparently it’s for all those filthy, violent sexual things he likes to do, but knows most women would never even agree to try. Um, WHAT? FML I agree, your life sucks 1 248 You deserved it 529
Today, I arrived at work unusually happy after having shared a wonderful date and first kiss last night with the colleague I've been in love with for months. Today is also the day she received an offer for the job of her dreams across the country. FML I agree, your life sucks 4 558 You deserved it 309
Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 181 You deserved it 142
Today, just like the past 2 weeks, I'm so broke that I only got to eat dinner because I went on a first date with a guy from Tinder. FML I agree, your life sucks 13 452 You deserved it 2 702
Today, my brother and I woke up early to get a sneak peek at our Christmas presents. We found our parents having sex on the couch. FML I agree, your life sucks 40 623 You deserved it 16 356
Today, my girlfriend thought that a few candles in our room would create a cozy and romantic atmosphere. Especially the one on the bookshelf. That candle damaged only one book - it was signed by my great professor, who's long gone. She doesn't understand why I can't just buy a new copy and deal with it. FML I agree, your life sucks 618 You deserved it 113
Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 54 548 You deserved it 6 035
I find it funnier that no one else noticed or said something...friends much?
hahaha find out who that was and have retribution!