Intimacy: Not now

Not now

By anonymous - 02/02/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Right before I was about to climax, he asks, "Do you remember when you bought the homeless guy with one leg a hot dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 342

You deserved it 4 720

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 21:10 - Lebanon

Today, I was having sex with my fiancé when he stopped and said, "Boy, what I wouldn't give for a burger right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 394

You deserved it 5 001

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 03:02 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 468

You deserved it 13 955

Sexy talk

By Anonymous - 09/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 6 002

Say yes

By fuckingdonuts - 18/05/2015 02:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 066

You deserved it 5 184

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 183

You deserved it 4 856

Kinky

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 182

You deserved it 12 019

By scubai - 14/01/2010 20:36 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 595

You deserved it 5 731

By Anonymous - 13/11/2012 11:34 - United States - Macungie

Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 993

You deserved it 4 347

Dirty talk

By Username - 24/02/2010 15:06

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 781

You deserved it 4 767

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 118

You deserved it 8 805

phorcep 0

Wednesday 2 February 2011 12:07

Well if you didn't, you certainly will now.

unfortunate_13 5

Wednesday 2 February 2011 12:21

i once said "hey, you have to preheat the oven first" when my boyfriend wanted to skip foreplay while i needed some fun first.

Comments

MrBrightsidexvi 6

Thursday 3 February 2011 8:51

I'm thinking he did that for a reason, maybe he was trying to female blueball you lol

ehaddad201 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 12:02

lol

smushies_fml 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 13:03

random much.!?

XXTandAlover76XX 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 19:57

look baby girl u better be glad ur man can make u all cum faced because a lot of women don't have that kinda luck with their men.

MsKittyKatWeber 10

Saturday 5 February 2011 6:46

wonder if he's gay...thinking about a hot dog and a dirty homeless man...lol

NadiG7 2

Monday 28 February 2011 16:57

AHAHAHA ..AHH WELL OKAY THEN

minlip 0

Wednesday 2 March 2011 6:39

this is one of the most aubsurd fmls i have ever read

TheOtherMakona 0

Tuesday 28 June 2011 15:57

O.o you... bought... a homeless guy?? slavery?? so confused...

rockinroyalty 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 11:24

Awww that was nice of u op. Way to go

Honda288 2

Thursday 12 January 2012 5:38

Maybe that was his attempt at a verbal donkey punch.

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Kids Parenting DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 231

Today, I went to work 8:30 am. Human stayed home. Got home at 5pm. Human is working on his music at home. It is 7:11 pm and Human is still on his computer working on the same song, on replay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 282

The Top

Today, I went to the bank to find out why I still haven't gotten my refund for when the ATM gave me a cash dispenser error and cancelled the transaction, but the money was taken out of the account anyway. The error happened on Friday of last week, it's Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 82

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 249

You deserved it 2 493

Today, my husband is "too busy" and refuses to even talk with me for more than two minutes, but has enough time to spend hour-long phone conversations with his buddies. If only I were not stuck with him and our second baby at home during a pandemic… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 223

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my fifth birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 690

You deserved it 68 968

Today, I was invited to my ten year high school reunion. I refuse to go because I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. All the girls I grew up with will be there with their husbands, while I’m a single loser who can’t get a man to save her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 306

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 933

You deserved it 620