Dogs and Animals: Not welcome here

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Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 3 690

Summer vacations: Sun and blunders
From beaches to campsites, embark on a journey filled with laughter under the sun... and a few sunburns! More…

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Same thing different taste

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 291

You deserved it 9 711

By Anonymous - 19/07/2017 07:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my school brought in therapy dogs to help with stress. I was attacked by one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 698

You deserved it 509

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 866

You deserved it 5 449

Love is love

By Taylor505 - 07/10/2024 08:00 - United States - Ocala

Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 103

By cat - 07/08/2019 18:00

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 141

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 229

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 1 260

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 13 259

By Anonymous - 05/08/2013 21:36 - Sweden - Falun

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 729

You deserved it 7 333

By woof? - 19/04/2015 17:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while studying for an exam, the neighbor's chihuahua started barking outside. After a few seconds, my mom yelled out for me to stop laughing. She honestly thought the barking was my laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 606

You deserved it 3 454

FortuneCookie3 1

Thursday 5 January 2012 16:05

attack it every time it barks

ICATiger 13

Thursday 5 January 2012 16:06

Guess it's the dog who gets the last laugh...

Comments

summerbeauti313 0

Sunday 8 January 2012 23:20

Wow,stop laughing around it

WorldsGhost 2

Monday 9 January 2012 11:16

Maybe your laugh is a squeaky dog chew toy.

ch3s 4

Tuesday 10 January 2012 6:47

Quick! Get off of FML! The dog is in the room!

thenewkid43 9

Wednesday 18 January 2012 20:11

I wonder if every time someone else starts laughing, it looks at you?

greens_fml 5

Tuesday 14 February 2012 0:45

That's one sick ass dog XD

loveispain19 4

Wednesday 15 February 2012 18:40

let me guess...Chihuahua? they are the meanest little dogs in existence.

thefmlman2011 36

Wednesday 29 February 2012 9:09

hahaha.... wait.....

bagelpie 6

Thursday 1 March 2012 8:29

Well I guess that means no more Conan :( what a shame...

hewdud 0

Thursday 1 March 2012 22:51

Haha, he must hate your laugh

vhivfe 3

Thursday 22 March 2012 3:56

That actually made me laugh! :D

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The Top

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865 192

You deserved it 95 067

Today, my father is living with me because he's broke, but sometimes he has temper tantrums and calls me a son of a bitch. I can't stand to be name-called when I support him 1000%, and then we got into a violent physical fight. We both end up hurt, so I want to kick him out of my house, but I can't because he won't leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 162

The Top

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 34

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 321

You deserved it 2 595

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 690

You deserved it 167

Today, I recieved a failing grade on my huge end-of-term project. My group members forgot to put my name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 838

You deserved it 2 352

Today, I was jogging with my shirt off, feeling confident and athletic. A car slowed down next to me. I expected a compliment, but instead, a kid leaned out the window and yelled, “Put it back on, Shrek!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 143

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 153