Health, Gross and Work: On the scene

On the scene

By fire1 - 25/10/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, working as an EMT on an ambulance, we had a patient who refused to accept that he had a massive GI bleed, despite the fact that bloody stool was flowing from his anus all over my ambulance. To make things worse, my EMT ride-along student puked all over the patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 318

You deserved it 2 327

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Kybo5 - 08/02/2013 05:45 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I had a ride along in an ambulance. Being observant, I thought it was funny that a patient had to vomit. That was until I realized they couldn't control where they had to vomit. I spent the rest of the ambulance ride holding a vomit bag in front of the woman's face. Not so funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 892

You deserved it 56 230

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 767

You deserved it 2 494

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 204

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 73

Hard pass

By Mew - 04/06/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, while working at the hospital, I had a patient with a blocked bowel. It was so bad, feces were entering into her stomach. While leaning down to talk with her, she threw up. I was both vomited and defecated on at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 230

You deserved it 4 087

By alephnull - 02/02/2011 21:07 - Canada

Today, I drove a friend to the emergency room because he thought he had appendicitis. While sitting in the waiting room, I got puked on by a child. My friend's diagnosis? Gas. So he also farted all the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 111

You deserved it 3 134

Unplugged

By Anonymous - 12/11/2023 08:00 - Belgium - Merendree

Today, after working many 80+ hour weeks, a patient called to urgently come with their sick infant. Of course, I stayed late to help them. The baby had been constipated for a full 24 hours, and the parents had panicked. During the examination, the baby shat on my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 88

Pissed

By Anonymous - 14/12/2021 05:01

Today, in frustration, I threw a spanner across the room at work, but it bounced back and hit me in the head. I woke up in an ambulance with a cracked skull and a gorgeous EMT lady. I would've tried to ask her out, but while I was out cold I'd pissed myself, and the whole ambulance reeked of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 1 417

Such a rewarding career

By DirtyNurse - 05/12/2020 07:01 - United States - Center Point

Today, I got projectile-vomited on while trying to administer meds to a patient. Twenty minutes later, a patient with schizophrenia threw his shitty diaper at my face. All this happened in the first hour of my 12-hour shift. I didn't bring any extra scrubs and I live an hour away from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 184

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 799

You deserved it 350

kwchambers92 10

Tuesday 25 October 2011 12:00

Sounds like a mess, a bloody shitty mess...

Buttsexpirate 9

Tuesday 25 October 2011 12:06

His anus is bleeding! I said his anus is bleeding!

Comments

Mikko8 15

Tuesday 25 October 2011 12:17

cool story, bro

SkardeyKat 3

Tuesday 25 October 2011 12:22

How can someone refuse to accept there is blood gushing from their anus?

jwally726 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 21:03

Cause they think they know everything then they call you back a half hour later cause now they feel dizzy

stevenmx86 7

Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:00

Ydi for making this about you when a guy was bleeding from his ass...

DerangedKitten 6

Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:29

That is truly a FYL scenario. Sorry dude.

elochai 3

Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:33

Should have jerked off on him for the 'triple threat' crown.

ikickgingers 15

Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:38

If you are an EMT paramedic... I hope you made an EMT1 clean that bitch. If you are an intermediate, fyl...

ZXDriver 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 13:57

This may be a little too much for Pepto Bismol.

MyAssIsCute 5

Tuesday 25 October 2011 19:29

This is irrelevant, but you're pic is awesome lmao

Jimster1712 0

Tuesday 25 October 2011 14:33

Oh Jesus , you so punny..

False_Stupidity 41

Wednesday 26 October 2011 19:27

Who is?

Lunaa94 6

Tuesday 27 November 2012 10:47

Jesus, obviously.

Locoluis 15

Tuesday 25 October 2011 15:14

I hope they fail that fussy student. People with delicate stomachs don't belong in Healthcare.

Decapitation 3

Wednesday 26 October 2011 4:38

He was shooting SHIT and BLOOD everywhere! Oh yeah, I guess he is a "fussy" for puking at the site of a man ******** blood all over himself.

kimmiekimmiekong 0

Thursday 27 October 2011 5:49

ya that kid should not be in an ambulance thinking of becoming paramedic if he has a weak stomach!!

Xxsuper_medicxX 3

Tuesday 25 October 2011 15:18

That's what the student's for haha

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 054

You deserved it 8 438

If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. But DON'T send your illustration right away! You need first to get in touch with me, and I'll tell you what you have to do!...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 23

The Top

Today, I came home to find my dog had learned how to open our fridge. He ate the birthday cake I was saving for a friend's surprise party, and to add insult to injury, he'd also apparently thrown the barely digested cake up all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 94

Today, I saw my ex for the first time since we broke up. We were on a train next to each other for 6 hours, to a festival where our tents were pitched next to each other. We're here for 5 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 442

You deserved it 2 412

Today, my dad had a midlife crisis in the grocery store over his football career in high school. So he decided pelting me with vegetables and fruits would be a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 440

You deserved it 1 118

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 351

You deserved it 6 850

Today, I tried to talk to my cat, but accidentally called him by the wrong name. He responded immediately to the incorrect name I used. Meanwhile, his actual name rarely, if ever, grabs his attention. My cat hates his name. It's way too late to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 468

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 452

You deserved it 6 474