Intimacy, Kids and Wanker: Onan would be proud

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Onan would be proud

By concernedcousin - 05/10/2019 12:00

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 011

You deserved it 194

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By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 140

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 404

You deserved it 581

By Anonymous - 15/07/2012 19:09 - United States - Littleton

Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 3 515

Blood rat

By jadalee8290 - 30/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Shallotte

Today, while we're on vacation, my 6 year-old son barged in the bathroom as I was changing my tampon. He was horrified and kept screaming, asking why I “pulled a blood rat out of my butt.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 244

Help yourself

By meghandix89 - 20/12/2016 01:35 - United States

Today, my aunt asked me to have my 13-year-old autistic cousin stay over for the night. When he got here, he told me his mom forgot his Vaseline, and asked if I'd be a dear and go get some for him. His mom informed me that he uses it to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 851

You deserved it 755

By tessisue - 04/01/2016 11:18 - Germany

Today, I visited the hospital with my boyfriend to have an injury checked. When the doctor removed the band-aid, my boyfriend started screaming and passed out. I had to get him out of the room using a wheelchair. The "injury" is a cut in his finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 879

You deserved it 2 227

By Girl - 19/08/2009 00:23 - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 152

You deserved it 5 338

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 718

You deserved it 3 069

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 210

You deserved it 3 230

TW: Gross

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 00:09 - Denmark

Today, my roommate complained about his penis being smelly and itchy. It's been a week. Yesterday he woke me up in the middle of the night, asking if I had some kind of Vaseline or moisturizer he could use for the itching. He still refuses to go to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 436

You deserved it 2 837

mackdeezy 22

Saturday 5 October 2019 15:56

If you ever needed an answer to the question "does Sex Ed belong in schools?", thrn hopefully this can shed some light on that

Sinshine 28

Saturday 5 October 2019 14:42

How does he not know those basic things at age 12? Doesn't he go to school? His parents definitely need to work out more things than they are right now.

Comments

manb91gb 15

Saturday 5 October 2019 13:02

Just be a grown-up about it and explain the... Ahem... Ins and outs to him. Maturity breeds Maturity

Sinshine 28

Saturday 5 October 2019 14:42

How does he not know those basic things at age 12? Doesn't he go to school? His parents definitely need to work out more things than they are right now.

hellphone_fml 37

Saturday 5 October 2019 18:17

My brother is 12 and just learned what cum is bc he heard someone talking about it. School did not teach him anything

mackdeezy 22

Saturday 5 October 2019 15:56

If you ever needed an answer to the question "does Sex Ed belong in schools?", thrn hopefully this can shed some light on that

bullsonyourface 20

Saturday 5 October 2019 17:33

either be a good human and explain to him what's going on, or act like he's dying and quarantine him.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 5 October 2019 17:50

You should have taken him as asked him to prepare a will on the ride to the hospital. Hospital staff need a good laugh and you should see whether he'd give you his video game system and phone.

Nhayaa 21

Sunday 6 October 2019 5:27

There's always a first time... I'd rather have a 12 years old boy not knowing what's going on than one already addict to Youp*rn. And these days, thanks to Internet, most kids are in the second category. Sigh.