Cars, Thief and Transportation: Opportunities - FML

Opportunities

By dogsickftl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'For Sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 176

You deserved it 7 169

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Top comments

Witchcraft_fml 4

Sunday 1 November 2009 18:16

I kept misreading "hammer" as "hamster". It caused me to picture some very confusing and disturbing mental images.

dnlphm94 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 1:37

So after you hammered the sign into the ground, you dropped it and walked inside? FAIL.

Comments

overthrownopt 0

Friday 14 January 2011 21:02

this made me giggle

YummyxBrownie 0

Sunday 20 February 2011 16:02

Damn .. Not even cool

lilmisslovely13 15

Thursday 28 April 2011 0:17

lol for a second i thought that you were selling the hammer :) just the way you worded it

massivelyskilled 0

Sunday 5 June 2011 23:18

Wouw, that sucks for you! Can't believe that some people actually do this, think about those who does things like that... just be happy that you don't have to do stuff like that...

I_dont_exist 5

Saturday 30 June 2012 1:47

well now we know why your moving

Keywords

Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Gross Love Awkward Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Music Grieving Social Media Boredom Anniversary Ironic Intimacy Abuse AITA Drunk Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, I reached out to my mom to confide in her about possibly leaving my cheating husband. She said, "I think you need to stay married and do what you want on the side. That's what I did. I don't even know if your dad is your dad." Apparently she was cheating on my dad when she got pregnant with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 83

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 786

You deserved it 22 717

The Top

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 655

You deserved it 7 885

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 970

You deserved it 9 718

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 947

You deserved it 10 317

Today, I was going for a walk and I kept smelling pee wherever I went. After about an hour, I finally figured out that the smell was me. My dog had peed on my sweatshirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 790

You deserved it 5 303

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 344

You deserved it 2 075

Today, I proposed to the girl I have known for a while, since our Dads have worked together for 40 years. After I rang my Dad to tell him the good news, he told me that there was a position open at work, which had belonged to her Dad. My Dad had to fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 139