Love: Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking... - FML

By royallymessedup - 21/08/2014 16:36

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 653

You deserved it 7 884

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Same thing different taste

By Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 426

You deserved it 22 872

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 730

You deserved it 6 802

By Sovekipisse - 15/06/2013 22:24 - France - Arthon-en-retz

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 569

You deserved it 4 186

By Anonymous - 04/02/2013 01:20 - United States

Today, I was given a wedgie by a complete stranger in a crowded bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 525

You deserved it 3 254

By Anonymous - 27/05/2014 19:26 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 771

You deserved it 5 502

By Thai that on for size - 25/09/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 430

You deserved it 2 679

By Isitreallythatbad, - 22/12/2013 05:37 - United States

Today, I went to a local bar for a speed dating event. The first person I hooked up with took one look at my face, burst into laughter, and walked out of the bar practically doubling over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 538

You deserved it 3 650

Awww, my feefees

By Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 274

By genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 238

You deserved it 1 290

By Anonymous - 03/07/2015 19:29 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 679

You deserved it 3 475

Next

Top comments

rhysfucker 24

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

That's what he was hoping for.

mkstar13 13

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP

Comments

mkstar13 13

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

He was probably a drunk asshole. That sucks OP

Soviet_American 29

Friday 22 August 2014 0:44

That's similar to when you're typing and someone's talking to you, and you start subconsciously typing what they say.

BassinBoy14 13

Friday 22 August 2014 2:16

Yeah, I know what you please take out the trash! :p

deedeedeniel 17

Friday 22 August 2014 4:41

I think we need a follow up OP XD

rhysfucker 24

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

That's what he was hoping for.

orbit 22

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:41

Maybe it was what she truly wanted to say

SpamPam 18

Friday 22 August 2014 3:03

#25 Well based on the FML I would say it's not. But that's just a guess

cinskeep43 15

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:07

I'm sure he liked that answer lol #tonguetied

_FML_Austin_ 12

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:18

May the fml community show pitty on this poor "hashtagger"

cinskeep43 15

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:19

may the FML community show pity on your poor profile pic

Axipiter 24

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:31

A hashtagger AND a sassypants! Get 'im!

cinskeep43 15

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:41

there is nothing wrong with being a sassypants... however I have seen the error in my ways and retract my hashtag

TXFernwoods 26

Friday 22 August 2014 0:06

Ha. I pity your eyebrows. @3

MrSassypants 32

Friday 22 August 2014 0:22

21, what's wrong with being a sassypants? :(

nitrog100 21

Friday 22 August 2014 1:04

I, for one, find your use of the 'pound' symbol appropriate.

BassinBoy14 13

Friday 22 August 2014 2:18

#hashtagger #sassypants

SpamPam 18

Friday 22 August 2014 3:04

I pity the fool

sashin112792 7

Friday 22 August 2014 3:07

I think that profile pic is pretty awesome honestly. Now, 16, will you please **** away??

Axipiter 24

Friday 22 August 2014 4:40

Sorry 32, I'm sure you're the exception. You aight.

sharkgirl4 23

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:08

Arguably a more effective response than you were trying to say.

Catkam623 27

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:08

Freudian slip? I think you were just in the mood for an adventure

gramirez23 9

Friday 22 August 2014 4:35

Don't ride that ride

tony1891 22

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:08

oh bullocks!

_Heisenberg__ 15

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:09

did he take you up on your offer?

maximus_prime 24

Friday 22 August 2014 2:00

She offered her honor, he honored her offer and all night long it was on-her and off-her.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Saturday 23 August 2014 1:22

Oh my. That is gold, 39.

Martinez0285 28

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:10

Close enough

aleahlioness 15

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:11

Two quite different replies..

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:50

exactly what i thought. I was wondering why no one had brought it up till I read yours. but ya one reply is polite and the other is...well not so much.

LittleBlackbird 20

Thursday 21 August 2014 23:11

He took 'being straightforward' a tiny bit too serious. What is wrong with people these days...

gramirez23 9

Friday 22 August 2014 4:37

Women, who gets them? :p

113421145311564 14

Friday 22 August 2014 11:23

can't tell of bad sex pun. Or who gets em

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 647

You deserved it 1 159

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 651

The Top

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 565

You deserved it 3 630

Today, I was on a work call when my coworker made an accidental Freudian slip. Thinking I was muted, I muttered, "That’s what she said." I wasn’t muted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 978

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 806

You deserved it 4 574

Today, I got home from visiting family for 4 days. Before leaving, I had cleaned my whole apartment and done all of my laundry, except the clothes I worked in the day I left. By the time I got back, ants had set up a colony in said clothes and my laundry hamper. I even found some in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 439

Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 512

You deserved it 4 848

Today, it was sister’s birthday. I decided to give her money instead of a present, because I couldn’t come up with a gift idea. When she opened the envelope and took the $100 out, she looked at me and asked me if this was the best I could’ve done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 201