Intimacy: Performance

Performance

By bob - 29/06/2012 08:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 356

You deserved it 31 587

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Same thing different taste

By Ouch - 25/04/2011 19:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 752

You deserved it 20 696

New isn't always good

By anonymous - 11/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 246

You deserved it 32 450

Heartless swine

By Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 025

You deserved it 4 392

By douglisk1994 - 10/02/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 208

You deserved it 20 251

By dontpanic - 21/09/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was getting up to leave and I, trying to be romantic, got up behind her and tried to swing her back down onto the bed and kiss her simultaneously, misjudged the distance and threw her into the wall, her head then bounced off the wall and into my forehead, spraining her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 500

You deserved it 26 971

By Anonymous - 13/06/2013 15:13 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 363

You deserved it 13 696

By Arielle - 31/01/2012 11:07 - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 597

You deserved it 4 399

It's just a flesh wound!

By manhandled - 01/02/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 169

You deserved it 4 027

Life imitates bad art

By sex sent me to the Er - 15/10/2019 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Feeling goofy, I thought it’d be funny to try to reenact that horrible sex scene from the movie Showgirls. I threw my body back, but completely lost my balance and smashed my head on the headboard. I ended up with a bad concussion and a huge hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 2 157

By Clumsy Clumsy - 16/04/2016 16:27 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend to kiss him when he got home from work. I tripped and I fell on him, and he fell backwards. He ended up hitting his head on the sidewalk and had to get stitches. He also had a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 494

You deserved it 3 248

BlueEyed1019 12

Friday 29 June 2012 16:03

make sure you tell her girlfriend you dropped her because you're not strong enough, not because she weighs too much, I could see how being dropped could be a little offensive

saIty 17

Friday 29 June 2012 16:02

No but I bet your right arm is jacked... If you know what I mean *Nudge nudge* *Wink wink*

Comments

Enslaved 36

Friday 29 June 2012 16:39

Hey, look who the OP is! It's Bob! Yeah, sometimes those sex moves are better played off in your mind. Sex around glass objects never seem to be a good combination though! :P

dieselguy82 0

Friday 29 June 2012 16:41

Thats the funniest shit ive read yet. Dude when you are getting off like that you should have sat on the couch. Bet you wont try that again!

MrFuzzles 5

Friday 29 June 2012 17:12

Next time staple her to the wall and you can pretend you're strong. You know, role play.

ahhbeex 8

Friday 29 June 2012 17:15

How do you not know if you're strong enough in the first place? I hope all is well but next time, if there IS a next time, maybe push he against a wall or I don't know? Have sex in bed.

LonelyLoser93 3

Friday 29 June 2012 17:22

I'm curious to know how this would work, I'm trying to imagine how this would look but I can't anyways, sorry OP maybe work out or try other positions that are fun! Get better soon! And at least you get sex. :'(

Dracoboxer357 35

Friday 29 June 2012 17:56

46- Lucky for you, my imagination is fantastic! :) Op is standing upright, girlfriend is facing him, her arms around his shoulders, her legs wrapped around his waist. He holds her with one arm around her back, and one arm under her butt. Proceed with pulling her into him while thrusting with his hips. Not easy, but it works. :) Glad to help.