Awkward, First Dates and Love: Run away time - FML

Run away time

By kittyfiddlernono - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Pernik

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 628

You deserved it 4 449

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Top comments

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 24 June 2013 0:42

I guess doggy style means something else to him

badassmf1234 22

Monday 24 June 2013 0:43

How does that even come up in conversation?

Comments

jassy_thoxx 10

Thursday 11 July 2013 5:37

ewwww. that's..... nasty.

BlissfulLiss 18

Saturday 13 July 2013 5:08

That was probably on his mind throughout the whole dinner and he was trying to think when and how to introduce you to that topic. Anyway, better you find out his mindset now than later.

hellofajob 10

Wednesday 18 December 2013 7:45

And actually #96 he's not a squirrel trying to get a nut but a nut trying to get a squirrel ;)

netflixislove 32

Tuesday 2 December 2014 2:03

Ewe! Gross

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The Top

Today, my uncle is staying with my family and he just gave me the weirdest 'gift' I've ever gotten. He gave me his used shaver. He said he realized that it's for women, but I find this disgusting. I could maybe sanitize it, but then I would have to touch the hairs on it. I had to pretend to be truly grateful for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 183

Today, I'm exhausted and sore from a long night of pulling semis out of the snow. My wife is pissed because I want to sleep, instead of be with her. Every time I drift off, she starts doing things like loudly unloading the dishwasher or standing by our bedroom door talking loudly on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 90

The Top

Today, I finally got round to cleaning out my refrigerator. As I reached the back, I found an unidentifiable, moldy object lurking in the corner. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was once a cucumber. I'm growing science experiments in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 724

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 600

You deserved it 58 293

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 027

You deserved it 46 456

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 600

You deserved it 1 416

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 1 956

Today, I was supposed to close on a house. Unfortunately, our lender decided that they couldn't finance us and denied us a loan, after 3 months of us digging up paperwork, saving money, and packing. Now we have to scramble to find a new place, while our insane landlady screams at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 80