Miscellaneous: Sexy morning

Sexy morning

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 750

You deserved it 281

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Same thing different taste

Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 161

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I was woken by my younger sister punching me in the balls. She also pulled the duvet off, and dragged me out of bed by my feet and onto the floor. All because I ate her chocolates, which were a gift. I was left writhing in pain in my underwear right in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 2 028

Freakout

By Anonymous - 09/05/2014 22:03 - South Africa

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I jumped out of bed in panic and rushed into the bathroom, only to see my sister limping around in the nude. She'd just jumped out of the shower because someone had flushed the toilet downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 333

You deserved it 4 321

Bad pranks are annoying

By Anonymous - 17/01/2020 20:00

Today, my sister snuck into the bathroom while I was in the shower (the lock is broken) and took my clothes and towels. I came out and quickly went to my room. As I went in, my sister was sitting on my bed with two friends watching TV. I instantly covered up, but they saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 701

You deserved it 322

By Jerf - 24/06/2009 00:56 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 916

You deserved it 9 807

Return to lender

By Anonymous - 31/03/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I woke up and found a trail of £5 notes in my bedroom, which led all the way downstairs and into the bathroom. I got to the last one, where I was then kicked in the balls from behind. It was my sister. She said it was the money she'd borrowed from me. I was left in my underwear writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 163

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 362

You deserved it 5 853

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 368

You deserved it 24 017

I've not been arrested, I swear!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 08:01

Today, police knocked on my door in middle of the night. They said there was a fire in one of the houses in our street, so they were evacuating houses. They wouldn’t let me go back and get dressed. As I was only in my underwear, they told me I could wait in their car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 92

Kitchen nightmares

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 02:00

Today, I walked into the kitchen and found a friend of my sister's stripped down to just her panties changing her clothes. In the kitchen. She had the nerve to call me a peeping Tom and slap me. Why was she even here without my sister, and why couldn’t she use the bathroom to change? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 97

nemcali 34

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:33

Your sister is an idiot. Get her back HARD.

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:54

What!!! She ran back into a kitchen fire? Did she need to save her Keurig machine? I mean, the K-Cups are expensive, but damn!!!

Comments

nemcali 34

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:33

Your sister is an idiot. Get her back HARD.

slowhandjp 16

Wednesday 15 January 2020 1:44

Give your sister a taste of her own medicine 💉

thefmlman2011 36

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:30

At least you weren’t naked

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 15 January 2020 2:54

What!!! She ran back into a kitchen fire? Did she need to save her Keurig machine? I mean, the K-Cups are expensive, but damn!!!

Nico711 17

Wednesday 15 January 2020 14:42

I highly doubt there was a kitchen fire

protoskore 27

Wednesday 15 January 2020 6:54

time to gently pee on her bed while she's sleeping and accusing her of bed wetting

HonestAbe500 7

Wednesday 15 January 2020 22:15

i tried that and it fails. They said they knew because you don't pee from your face, but I doubt it.

protoskore 27

Friday 17 January 2020 11:49

sounds like you need to work on your aim, and possibly your knowledge of anatomy

Cristinita83 13

Wednesday 15 January 2020 10:13

What did you do to her?? I don’t want to assume, but this is probably an ongoing feud and that’s just the last anecdote.

HonestAbe500 7

Wednesday 15 January 2020 22:15

Yeah because if a guy gets assaulted by a girl then he did something wrong

distortedcognition 17

Wednesday 15 January 2020 10:57

Your sister is awesome! That’ll teach you a man goes down with the ship, or a burning house

JuggaloChris85 4

Wednesday 15 January 2020 11:58

Dude your sister needs serious psychiatric help. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Wednesday 15 January 2020 12:01

throw her make up outside

mfranks19891989 10

Wednesday 15 January 2020 12:48

Brother vs sister prank war Brother: 0 sister:1

JackFaire 27

Wednesday 15 January 2020 20:03

oh did they also have a prank war alongside this? where is that story?

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Lonely Halloween Wanker Jealousy Love Party Fight Family Argument Animals Cats Parents Sports Embarrassing Health Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, I found my boyfriend browsing tablet PCs on the internet. He actually had a tablet until a while ago, but he hardly ever used it. He still has two smartphones, a desktop PC and a laptop he never uses. But yeah, sure, he needs a tablet. Because, "they're cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 276

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 069

You deserved it 6 947

The Top

Today, I was woken up by my cat. Did he bite me? Meow to get fed? No, those are too common. He scratched my hole, and it was very exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 407

You deserved it 674

Today, I was feeling saucy so I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. He then set it as his laptop's desktop screen, took a picture, then sent to me saying, "Hmm, should probably change this before Monday", only he didn't send it me, he sent to his family group chat with his mum and sisters and didn't realise. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 439

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 492

You deserved it 9 338

Today, I sent my romantic interest a sexy text about a dream I had about a "sex gameshow." I sent it by replying to the last text sent. I'm now responsible for traumatizing my 12 year old niece who could only reply, "Like Jeopardy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 340

You deserved it 48 151

Today, the psychiatrist who I've been relying on to evaluate my condition to give me some real help, who I've been waiting on my appointment with for three months, suddenly rescheduled me until February next year. Why? Because she's "not working that day". I can't afford to see anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 112

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 109

Same thing different taste

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