Intimacy, Sex and Relatable: Soft as snow - FML

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Soft as snow

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I discovered why my new boyfriend likes his sex slow and loving, like super slow. It’s because, despite being in shape, he’s so unfit that if he tries to go hard and fast he struggles to breathe and passes out on top of me. Guess my love life is limited to one mile an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 166

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Same thing different taste

Letting go

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, after 5 years of marriage, my once-gym-mad husband is now so unfit that even standard missionary sex makes him so breathless and light headed, he has to stop in case he passes out. He hasn’t given me an orgasm in over a year and yet he insists nothing's wrong with him, and that I’m just being mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 281

The rhythm method

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has two speeds in bed: so slow that it’s just not exciting for me, or so hard and fast, I can’t physically keep up and it starts to hurt. We’ve discussed our different needs a bunch, but so we’ve had sex every night this week and I only orgasmed once, masturbating in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 982

You deserved it 7 289

No stamina

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 16:00 - United Arab Emirates

Spicy

Today, my SO almost passed out during sex due to his lack of physical activity. I've forced him to start going to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 249

Hello? Hello?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 606

You deserved it 4 094

Skin deep

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 10:15 - Australia - Hornsby

Spicy

Today, I find out why my long term boyfriend hasn't been interested in sex for the last three months. It’s because I’m "fat." While I could probably lose a few, I'm not obese and I'm the one who's encouraging healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 386

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 353

Communication breakdown

By Jen - 20/03/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 7 318

By Squashed - 15/08/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 123

You deserved it 22 864

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 289

You deserved it 8 528

Next

Top comments

poopface82 19

Saturday 28 September 2024 3:07

OK, so now’s a good time to have a come-to-Jesus moment with him. Be supportive but let him know it’s time to lose weight.

TXdude4503 2

Sunday 19 January 2025 13:41

why don’t you get on top then

Comments

ktd988 12

Friday 27 September 2024 7:26

Get ontop!

ktd988 12

Friday 27 September 2024 7:26

Get ontop

poopface82 19

Saturday 28 September 2024 3:07

OK, so now’s a good time to have a come-to-Jesus moment with him. Be supportive but let him know it’s time to lose weight.

og98327 1

Friday 4 October 2024 20:29

so stop being lazy, get on top & ride him hard and fast till your toes curl!!

TXdude4503 2

Sunday 19 January 2025 13:41

why don’t you get on top then

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The Top

Today, according to my wife, if we hadn’t gotten drunk and pregnant on the first date, she never would've chosen me to be her husband, as I’m not her type, not even close, and that frankly I’m lucky her Catholic upbringing was the only thing that stopped her having multiple affairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 166

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 373

You deserved it 4 816

The Top

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 272

You deserved it 5 391

Today, I found out I lost a promotion intended for me because I was on planned vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 443

You deserved it 167

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 768

You deserved it 2 546

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 130

You deserved it 4 254

Today, I tried to finish an essay, which is already overdue by 5 days. I know the longer I procrastinate, the longer the pain will last, but my brain is still not working and can't start to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 844

Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 528

You deserved it 9 799