Intimacy, Sex and Relatable: Soft as snow - FML

Soft as snow

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I discovered why my new boyfriend likes his sex slow and loving, like super slow. It’s because, despite being in shape, he’s so unfit that if he tries to go hard and fast he struggles to breathe and passes out on top of me. Guess my love life is limited to one mile an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 119

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Same thing different taste

Letting go

By Anonymous - 17/05/2023 15:00

Spicy

Today, after 5 years of marriage, my once-gym-mad husband is now so unfit that even standard missionary sex makes him so breathless and light headed, he has to stop in case he passes out. He hasn’t given me an orgasm in over a year and yet he insists nothing's wrong with him, and that I’m just being mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 271

The rhythm method

By Anonymous - 05/07/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend has two speeds in bed: so slow that it’s just not exciting for me, or so hard and fast, I can’t physically keep up and it starts to hurt. We’ve discussed our different needs a bunch, but so we’ve had sex every night this week and I only orgasmed once, masturbating in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 260

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 972

You deserved it 7 285

No stamina

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 16:00 - United Arab Emirates

Spicy

Today, my SO almost passed out during sex due to his lack of physical activity. I've forced him to start going to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 246

Hello? Hello?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 4 092

Skin deep

By Anonymous - 07/11/2019 10:15 - Australia - Hornsby

Spicy

Today, I find out why my long term boyfriend hasn't been interested in sex for the last three months. It’s because I’m "fat." While I could probably lose a few, I'm not obese and I'm the one who's encouraging healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 383

Out of shape

By Anonymous - 28/06/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I’m now so unfit, I had to stop halfway through sex with my wife to catch my breath, and in the end we just gave up, as clearly neither of us was having an orgasm today. I don’t get it, I weigh exactly 11 stone and exercise regularly, but I have no stamina and shit lungs. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 345

Communication breakdown

By Jen - 20/03/2012 05:11 - United States - Woodland Hills

Spicy

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 985

You deserved it 7 313

By Squashed - 15/08/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 121

You deserved it 22 858

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 282

You deserved it 8 526

Next

Top comments

poopface82 19

Saturday 28 September 2024 3:07

OK, so now’s a good time to have a come-to-Jesus moment with him. Be supportive but let him know it’s time to lose weight.

og98327 1

Friday 4 October 2024 20:29

so stop being lazy, get on top & ride him hard and fast till your toes curl!!

Comments

ktd988 12

Friday 27 September 2024 7:26

Get ontop!

ktd988 12

Friday 27 September 2024 7:26

Get ontop

poopface82 19

Saturday 28 September 2024 3:07

OK, so now’s a good time to have a come-to-Jesus moment with him. Be supportive but let him know it’s time to lose weight.

og98327 1

Friday 4 October 2024 20:29

so stop being lazy, get on top & ride him hard and fast till your toes curl!!

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Lonely Halloween Wanker Love Jealousy Party Fight Family Argument Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute Work AITA

The Top

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 248

You deserved it 79 266

Today, my dad's last words before he fell into a coma, and later died, were about how he wanted to stick his face in the ass of his 20-something nurse and motorboat her cheeks. I had to lie to my mother and say that his last words were that he wanted to see her again before the end. Thanks dad, NOT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

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The Top

Today, I went on a work team-building day at a snow park. Thirty minutes in, while I was climbing out of a slide, my 210 lb coworker ploughed into me in a donut ring. He obliterated my ankle and I've now got three months in a cast to look forward to. So much for the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 162

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell, "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said, "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 472

You deserved it 3 449

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends, and now it's all over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 4 285

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 624

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 914

You deserved it 4 443

Today, my fiancé called off our engagement after I contested his belief that women stop having periods after they are married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 613

You deserved it 4 203