Health and Fight: Occam's razor

Occam's razor

By anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 818

You deserved it 4 718

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Same thing different taste

Make it stop!

By DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 899

You deserved it 11 470

By BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 631

You deserved it 32 852

By Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 653

You deserved it 4 132

By ayye_its_nikki - 19/12/2012 05:07 - United States - Cedar Park

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 543

You deserved it 21 356

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 456

You deserved it 9 475

Noise Annoys

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 06:04

Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 629

You deserved it 34 436

By screamo - 02/05/2009 20:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my alarm went off at 6.30. I woke up disorientated, as usual. I looked up and saw a dark, mysterious figure entering my room. Still half asleep, I screamed and dived under my covers. The dark, mysterious figure was my mom. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 859

You deserved it 46 799

By Anonymous - 26/07/2018 01:30

Today, while bringing my baby an early-morning bottle, I tripped over a ball and fell into the glass coffee table, smashing it and cutting myself pretty badly. My husband slept through the whole thing, but the neighbors came by to tell me to keep it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 830

You deserved it 267

By blackvogue - 01/04/2009 10:42 - Canada

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 422

You deserved it 168 122

PSQ91 6

Saturday 12 February 2011 11:58

At least you know your home is safe.

Mirorbo 26

Saturday 12 February 2011 12:54

Thank your lucky stars you're not from Texas, darling. He would have shot you.

Comments

dayve 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 11:57

haha funny.

gamercanadian 11

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:13

dude we r from BC it's nothing new for something like this to happen :)

novair 5

Saturday 12 February 2011 15:33

hi meg

TheDrop 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 17:33

lose some weight OP. then maybe you wouldn't be knocking over your furniture

OceanBreathesSal 5

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:05

just because he is knocking over furniture, doesn't mean OP is fat. I'm not sure about you, but where I live it gets pretty dark when it's in the middle of the night and I can't see anything. that usually leads to me running into furniture, and in under weight.

TheDrop 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:47

It gets really dark anywhere at night. unless you live in Alaska.

jessicaax 0

Sunday 13 February 2011 8:17

That statement is false.

24788 6

Saturday 12 February 2011 11:58

Your dad is crazy. If someone breaks into your house you don't panic. You take an assessment of the situation. He sounds very paranoid,.

marinus_fml 19

Saturday 12 February 2011 12:08

If someone broke into my house I'd **** them up. No risk assesments needed. ******* have to learn someday!

helloletsgo 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 12:09

#11 I agree

afdude87 6

Saturday 12 February 2011 14:43

yeah, I'd be greeting a break in with my sig sauer.

Prankster7o7 5

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:22

I'd prefer an M1911 .45 ACP.

samadams42 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 19:47

haha assement is time to get ****** up!!!

24788 6

Saturday 12 February 2011 22:43

You guys know nothing about this kind of thing. Most people end up injuring their own family when they think there's an intruder, so shooting your kid or hitting your kid is a good idea. Why protect them then if you don't care about them? Assess the situation.