Health: Sorry, little dude

Sorry, little dude

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 095

You deserved it 3 655

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Same thing different taste

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 690

You deserved it 4 836

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 606

You deserved it 1 160

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 013

You deserved it 8 720

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 953

You deserved it 4 787

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 768

You deserved it 6 743

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 471

You deserved it 4 809

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 269

You deserved it 4 594

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 059

You deserved it 4 849

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 804

You deserved it 1 507

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 352

SSJ5Goku 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 23:08

...Which would you prefer?

TripleJumpMan 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 23:08

what the hell

Comments

epoh_fml 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 0:46

I dunno if it came before or after. **** roaches can survive nuclear wars . . . why not some stomach acid also? lol

liveloveandownit 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 0:50

Maybe it crawled up her ass pre crap. Very disturbing yes.

kkoo 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 0:54

i think you would be able to tell if you ate a cockroach or not.

MoonyIce 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:19

This is FANTASTIC. Haha.

selfemployed 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:20

no way that roach survived stomach acid and bile. where did you go to school?

RyanSezFML 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:29

that is some FUNNY SHIT!

atl4lyfe 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:30

sick as hell

CallMeHush 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:37

He was in the log ride at the roach water park.

Sillabub 15

Sunday 17 January 2010 1:59

You should always look before you sit. Just to check for toilet snakes, if nothing else.

Garanaw 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 2:02

I always thought that toilet snakes only existed in my nightmares.

Mustardnight 3

Sunday 17 January 2010 11:08

Yeah, singapore.

jelsew 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 2:26

I guess you know why you had a stomachache. FYL.

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The Top

Today, I came to visit a friend I haven't seen in 3 years for a fun 2 month vacation of you know what. She has 2 more dogs now and soon as I stepped in her place after flying across the country, there were 2 piles if dog crap on the ground. I already want to fly out of here, and this is only day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 477

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 582

You deserved it 2 750

The Top

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 178

You deserved it 42 712

Today, I got an exercise wheel for my cat. He took a nap on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 303

Today, due to increasing frequency and severity of hypoglycemic symptoms, I went to the doctor. Apparently, the pill may have given me a rare form of temporary diabetes. She wants me to be a case study for the next 12 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 92

Today, I found out my parents never naturalized me. I'm adopted from a country I've never been to, and now I could be deported there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 014

You deserved it 598

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 808

You deserved it 2 616

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 964

You deserved it 4 174