Intimacy: Sounds nice

Sounds nice

By sugarbeet - 04/12/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 218

You deserved it 3 954

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 824

You deserved it 2 782

By oliverP123 - 22/07/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 450

You deserved it 4 233

By Erik Aleckson - 05/05/2019 02:00

Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 774

You deserved it 6 017

By lalala_hahaha - 23/09/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 942

You deserved it 3 074

Hard task

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 291

You deserved it 2 576

Make it stop

By firstandlastjob - 13/06/2020 14:11

Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 213

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 512

You deserved it 5 862

Creepypasta

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 687

You deserved it 3 678

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 256

You deserved it 6 638

MsSoulReaper 27

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:17

Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/

sskarma23 9

Sunday 4 December 2011 9:18

Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!

Comments

ajjucool 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:13

he is physically challenged.. hope you did go with the flow..

rceckspurt13 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:16

Lieutenant Dan!

billys56 0

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:44

Leiutanant Dan!!!

thatnucca 36

Sunday 4 December 2011 21:47

He talks the talk, but can he walk the walk though?

kevviii 5

Monday 5 December 2011 0:46

Lieutenant Dan!

lilpowers 3

Monday 5 December 2011 1:49

What kinda bar do you work at? A strip bar?

thisguy1424 0

Monday 5 December 2011 2:45

Hey chill now he's probably a veteran

CharlesPieczonka 0

Monday 5 December 2011 3:53

Penguinz0 would be proud.

spackles_1919 6

Monday 5 December 2011 5:16

Love a cripple, show some nipple!

Feedmyaddiction5 14

Monday 5 December 2011 7:10

How is that an fml? I would love to talk to that man all day

Keywords

Awkward Embarrassing Miscellaneous Sleep Work Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

CLICK HERE TO SEE THE ILLUSTRATED FMLMeghan's website : http://www.kawaiinot.com/ & http://www.murphypop.com/ If you want to be the next published artist, send an email to alice [at] fmylife.com including a link to your website/blog/DA. Bu...

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 21

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 117

Today, my mother-in-law constantly threatens to commit suicide, unless my husband pays her bills. He told me I don’t care about his happiness because I told him he can’t keep giving in to her guilt trips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 115

Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 732

You deserved it 3 729

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 764

You deserved it 3 722

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 5 161

Today, my boyfriend shared with me his anxiety about death, so I shared with him one of my ridiculously irrational fears. He thought I was making fun of him and now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 945

You deserved it 5 620